I often coach my clients that how a person shows up in between dates, or even before a date, can either CREATE or destroy connection.
So when it comes to texting or communicating by chat on an app, it is a huge opportunity to create a delicious connection he won’t be able to stop thinking about!
When you know how to initiate connection in a way that is confident, but also open and feminine, you will immediately stand apart from other women.
Here are 7 ways to text with men that will grab a guy’s attention from the very first text and leave him wanting more.
- Take the lead! Yes, you can! When it comes to initiating the FIRST contact on an app or online dating, men love it! The truth is that men are less likely to be flooded with messages from women so when they do get a little something special in their inbox, they are more inclined to read your message and respond. Remember to keep your message succinct, and direct, for example. “Hi! Hope you are having a great day. Would you like to grab a drink or a coffee (or jump on Facetime or phone) this week? Once he says yes, you can step into a more traditionally feminine role and let him make the plans!
- Respond! When a quality man DOES strike up a conversation or write back to you, be authentic in deciding when to respond. Most people bring their smart phone to the bathroom, so intentionally waiting six hours to write back may be a little obvious (unless you have a legitimate excuse.) If you must delay, don’t wait more than 10 minutes to respond. And, if you are truly occupied, create great dating karma by letting him know you are at work, with the kids, etc., and let him know when you will be available to respond. (Relationship-ready men report that they will only resort to playing games a la the “3-day rule” if you set the stage for it by being unavailable or appearing aloof.)
- Don’t be a “silent ghoster!” These days it’s not enough to just “like or heart or ha-ha” a text message he sends you. Instead, see #2 above. If you want someone to put his time into you, put your time into him. Not sure how to respond? Imagine what you would say or how and when you would respond in terms of how you would treat a text from a non romantic acquaintance!
- Punctuation, and WORD choice matters! Time to dust off your old grammar textbook, because punctuation is key when text messaging! Just the tiniest difference in punctuation can change the meaning of even the simplest text message almost completely. Use exclamation points and smiley faces (in moderation) to convey interest, and keep in mind that periods and ellipses tend to convey frustration or complacency. Try to avoid using the word “just” in your communication. For example, “I’m just checking in to see if we are still on for tonight?” has a lower vibrational feel to it then, “I’m looking forward to our date tonight!” The word “just” leaks the energetics of an apology. Also, try to remove the word “busy” from your communication. Men are turned off by women who lead with their business. Try “I have an active schedule next week. I’d love to see you. What about xxx,” and offer up another alternative.
- Don’t fire off shots and keep it short! Men have told us time and time again, please don’t fire off little text messages, rapid fire, that are a series of questions (or comments). Wait for him to answer and keep it simple. Moreover, make sure you follow the “Rule of Thumb,” and keep the length of your text messages to no more than half the length of your thumb. If it takes more than that to convey a message, we encourage you to pick up the phone, save it for in person, or as a last resort send an email.
- Start Off Slowly. Especially at the very beginning of the relationship, you’ll want to limit the frequency of your texts until you’ve gotten a good gauge on his interest. If he’s constantly initiating and the relationship seems to be heading in a solid, exclusive direction, it’s okay to slowly increase the amount you’re reaching out. In almost any situation, double texting after a period of no response is a BIG no-no (especially if your second text is to ask him why he hasn’t responded to your first one!).
- Get your ‘girl’ on! Remember, this is not a colleague or professional relationship. Stay away from phrases you use when writing at work, for example, “I look forward to…” “Nice to meet you,” or “Please confirm at your earliest convenience.” Instead, dip into the playful side of your personality and keep it real. Play the “what do I want to say” game with yourself. Say what you would say if it were a friend, and adjust from there.
The bottom line is, when you text with a guy, if you’re not creating connection you’re probably pushing him away (even if you really like him!). Follow these 7 texting strategies and you’ll build chemistry and connection with the right guy for you.
And, if you second guess yourself with men, wondering if you could have done or said something different, or bite your tongue and not say anything because you don’t want to push him away, or when you do say what’s on your mind it comes out pushy or masculine…
Watch my latest training here on What To Say To A Man To Get Him To Pursue Me and Commit? I’m Sick of Doing All The Work!