If you clicked on this article hoping for an undiscovered trove of shortcuts that will bring you happiness lickety-split without creating real transformation in who you are and the life you want to live…..guess what….that’s never happening!

I know intellectually, you know that, yet still, most of us get caught in a trap of impatience, or become discouraged simply because we’re going about it the wrong way.

Sure losing a mess of weight, getting more toned, trying a new moisturizer to appear younger, or even overhauling your wardrobe in order to snag a sexy man who is your perfect equal will give you a rush of exhilaration, but as with most shiny new things, the novelty will fade and you’ll end up exactly where you started.
I’m here to help you figure out how to get everything you’ve always wanted by laying a strong foundation of confidence and self-love that will guide you toward true happiness.

And while that can’t happen overnight, you can develop powerful habits that lead you to a more fulfilled life and your sexy high-quality man by this Summer.

Here are six ways to get you started!

1. Fine Tune the Process of Going Within
   No positive self-change, whether internal or external, can really occur until you deeply get in touch with your most authentic self. She doesn’t take rejection personally. She isn’t jealous of her ex’s new wife. She doesn’t try to convince herself maybe she is meant to be alone. Make a significant effort to spend more time alone and let your most authentic thoughts flood in, maybe even start a journal, and make that your most important summer goal.
   
   Taking time to shut out the outside influences that are out of your control, and, instead, dig into deep-seated insecurities, fears and their sources. This will allow personality traits or points of view you hadn’t previously observed to float to the surface. Over time, this personal reflection will become not only a habit but a necessity, and it will allow you to identify what adjustments you need to make in order to become a more well-adjusted version of you.
2. Learn a New Strategy To Stop Negative Self-Talk
   Without realizing it, most of us pick on ourselves on a constant, daily basis. As you begin to spend more time getting to know yourself, you may be shocked at how many horrible things you direct at yourself, even if they’re just fleeting, passing thoughts. The point here is to learn to love yourself. Would you say the things you say to yourself on a daily basis to someone you love? Pay more attention to any time you internally berate yourself or find yourself feeling you’re not worthy of something good.
   
   Simply training yourself to replace those negative thoughts with positive affirmations creates confidence and positive energy that will bring only good things back to you. Even if it doesn’t feel true, take five seconds after a negative thought to “try on” the positive alternative. Replace “I’m so fat” with “I could be healthier” and see how it fits. For one, it feels more like the truth, and it’s a gentler, softer way of delivering a message to yourself.
3. Snip, Snip
   This one can be difficult since it means initiating some uncomfortable conversations, but identifying individuals in your life who bring you down and eradicating them immediately is of the utmost importance to your mental well-being. This includes men and friends who are toxic. People can be toxic in a variety of ways, whether they openly put you down, are unsupportive when you need it the most, or manipulate your emotions in an underhanded way — but all are detrimental to your self-esteem.
   
   Depending on the situation, you may need to have a frank conversation with the person in question or find small, subtle ways to phase them out of your life, or set boundaries around how you spend time together. If the person is a family member whom you can’t necessarily cut out, either find ways to lessen their influence or consult a therapist or coach here who can help you learn to block out their negativity.
4. Eat and Dress Sustainably
   I’m not suggesting you start buying all organic food and dress in a 100% hemp sack. But since it can be tempting to go to extremes in terms of eating and shopping when seeking to alter your look, I encourage you to adjust your overall look in a gradual, more manageable way. Crash diets and shopping sprees may get you immediate results; but like internal change, the best, most lasting external change doesn’t happen overnight. Most importantly, black and white behavior is ultimately a facade the brain does to make us feel more in control. It might work for the short term, however it is typically not a sustainable strategy.
   
   If you’re trying to lose weight, work on a healthy, fresh menu plan each week that involves fresh ingredients, zero takeout, and some of your favorite indulgences as treats now and then. Create and stick to an exercise schedule that fits into your existing work and social calendar, even if that means going to yoga just once a week or taking a walk every day at lunch. Instead of emptying your bank account on a whole new wardrobe, spend some time studying fashion blogs or magazines and photos of celebrities whose style you admire and use that knowledge to make more informed, savvy purchasing decisions. In a matter of months, you’ll find yourself with a body and style you feel good about and confident in maintaining.
5. Pay More Respect to Your Passions
   With hectic work schedules and social obligations and, it can be easy to lose sight of finding time for the things that are meaningful or fun. Your passions, however, are essential to understanding and expressing who you are; so the more time you can spend doing those things, the more fulfilled, complete and three dimensional you will feel.Make a conscious effort to prioritize your interests, whether it’s reading, writing, crafting, playing a sport, or some other quirky, creative endeavor. If you haven’t landed on an activity that makes you come alive, carve out a regular time to try something new until you land on the one that makes you tick.
6. Date with a Big Picture Mindset
   Nothing is sexier than a happy, confident woman who’s got it together; so the good news is that with all this deeply-rooted change percolating, you’ll be bringing a better you to the dating game than ever before. I’ve advised this in a number of other more dating-specific advice posts, but I can’t emphasize enough the importance of approaching your love life with a big picture mindset.As you’re evaluating your increased influx of suitors, make sure to consider what they have to offer you overall instead of getting caught up in character traits. Focus on narrowing your search to men who share similar values, while being more open to dating men who aren’t an exact carbon copy of you. The more you open up yourself to someone who may not have the career or physical traits you always envisioned, the more likely you are to find complete romantic fulfillment in the unexpected.