What Should I Say When He...
One of the most powerful benefits of working with a dating coach privately is that you get answers when a dramatic internal battle ensures regarding what to say to a man.
Here are a few of my best scripts to help you communicate your needs in a way that is feminine, sexy, confident and effective.
Scenario #1: He is always sending you texts and you prefer to take it to the phone.
When the guy you are dating uses texting as his primary form of communication, it is your responsibility to let him know if this does not meet your needs! During the phone and email interactions I have with a variety of women (who are all ages, by the way, with a variety of background and dating experience) I often hear complaints that men are always texting. Most often, though, they never tell these men that they prefer to be called. That said, here is how it could go down:
She: Thanks so much for reaching out Tim. I love hearing from you. I’m not a big “texter” in truth, and am (insert driving, at work, with my kids etc) right now. I would love to connect on the phone later. I’m free between (insert time). Talk then?
He: Sounds great. Didn’t want to interrupt you. Look forward to talking later tonight.
Scenario #2: You are communicating with someone you met online. The vibe is good but you are ready to take it off-line and want to create an opportunity for the “meet” date.
Often there are men (and women) who are happy to keep communication online. If you, however, are tired of the email chit and chat and want to move to the next phase (the “meet date”) it’s important you communicate to Mr. Potential without pursuing directly. Here’s how it could go down:
She: I have really enjoyed the email connection, Brad. In fact, I’m intrigued! I’m a big fan of moving through the email, though, so that we can both see if this is worth exploring further.
Technology is great but so NOT a substitute for the real deal. Right?!! Looking forward to your response. Kate.
Scenario #3: He’s late. It has happened twice and you want to let him know it’s important to you he is on time in the future.
I’m always a fan of giving a person the benefit of the doubt (if he/she has earned it). However, if being late becomes a habit it’s your responsibility to let him know that you are a person who places a high value on time. It’s important not to “attack” however when he does arrive. Instead, be your awesome, positive self until you have settled into the date. It’s critical that you approach him in a way that puts him at ease AND enables him to take your information without becoming defensive. Here’s how:
She: I really appreciate that you drove to pick me up tonight. It’s a little gesture but means so much to me. There is one thing though that I want you to know about me, though. I am one of those women who places a huge value on time and being timely. So I’m hoping we can work out a way for so that you can arrive on time, yet not feel rushed. What do you think?! (Make sure your tone is playful, kind and open. You want him to engage in solving the problem!)
Scenario #4: He cancels your date. You want to express your disappointment to avoid miscommunicating that “it’s cool,” as you know the “cool girl” mentality will only serve to send the wrong message. You like him, though, and want to give him room to improve.
She: I’m so disappointed we aren’t going to get together. I was looking forward to it. (don’t skip this first piece!) I’m looking forward to rescheduling, Brad. My (insert date – e.g., Thursday) is open next week. Let me know if that works for you when you have time to get to your calendar. In the meantime, (insert “feel better,” “hope work slows down,” “your grandma recovers quickly” etc….)
Scenario #5: Your relationship hasn’t been progressing, and you want to check in to see if he is “Quality Casual,” or a man who is looking for a long-term relationship. (e.g., Boyfriend Material).
It’s important to notice if a relationship is progressing or seems stymied before engaging in this conversation. Avoid this conversation until at least the 4th or 5th date. At this point, here’s how it could go down:
She: I have really enjoyed getting to know you Tom. We have had such fun on the amazing dates you have planned. You are so creative (or, insert other compliment, kudo or praise here!) I am hoping I can get to know you better though. I’m wondering if we could have a date that (insert here… “starts before 9pm, “ “is on a night when you don’t have to rush off to work/meeting/or other obligation,” or is before next week.”). In many cases, clients who have used this approach were shocked to know that “Tom” had no idea he was not making the relationship a priority. In some cases, the “Toms” of the world adjust, and in other cases this is when “Tom” fesses up that at this point he is not really looking for a serious relationship, freeing you up to find a Tom that is also looking for the real deal!
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