One of the biggest dating mistakes you can make is not letting that good guy pursue you. For example, maybe instead of allowing him the space to properly court you, you pursue the player type, who will totally allow you to chase him and then most likely leave you in the dust. Or maybe you desperately try to fix the “cry baby” type who needs you to coach him into living into the potential you see for him. Or maybe, you date Mr. Quality Casuals, desperately looking for signs (crumbs, even?!) that he’s ever going to take your relationship to the next level – which includes you working really hard to make it happen.
Whatever your rut is when it comes to pursuing men instead of letting them pursue you, it’s exhausting and can end up feeling like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Here’s the deal:
A guy looking for love is going to want to embrace the masculine side of courtship and call you when he says he’s going to call. He will clearly be into you. The relationship will move forward. It will progress.
He’s also probably going to take you on a real live date (contrary to a “not date”). In case you need a refresher, a “not date” typically consists of a call post-10 p.m., a same-day ask out, and an activity that involves little to no effort on his part: i.e., you bringing take-out to his house at 11 p.m. where you watch a movie. In his bed.
Part of attracting the relationship-ready guy is knowing how to embrace your feminine, having self-confidence, and juggling the delicate balance between physical chemistry and real intimacy. A Boyfriend Material guy, one who is looking for real lasting love, is going to appreciate those things about you. You just have to make the space for him to enter your life! What’s more, once you draw the line in the sand through your feminine communication (the words you use to set appropriate boundaries) and the actions that say, “You need to court me”, you will stand apart from the crowd. Remember Dignity Daters, all you have to do is be 10% better than 90% of the women in the dating pool, and you’ll be the one men notice.
In summary, here’s how to get started now:
1. Don’t text, call or initiate communication with a man you’ve just met. (Make sure you tell him in person how awesome your date was, then let HIM reach out next.)
2. Let him choose what to do for the date, at least the first three times you get together. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, let him show you a good time. After all, there is always SOMETHING you can eat or drink at any restaurant. He needs to know you create opportunities for him to be in his masculine.
3. Practice the art of receiving, ask for help and show appreciation for what he does for you. In the 21st century, it’s up to you to be a modern alpha female so he can step into his alpha male role. If you don’t, he may just let you take over, which feels good short term, but in the long term ends up being a total turn off to the alpha female.
And that’s pretty much all there is to getting a man to pursue you. It’s about giving him the space he needs to make his move, and knowing that if he doesn’t, he’s not the right man for you anyway.