When you ex sends you a text, and you have told him that you no longer want to pursue a relationship, it’s important to remember the reason you broke up with him in the first place. Of course, there are reasons why your ex will reach out to you again and again, even if he has clearly shown you in the past that he is NOT ready for a healthy, committed relationship with you.
The bottom line is, he is lonely or simply alone. Either way, he is uncomfortable.
Remember, men are human, too. And while he may not have made you a priority in his life during the time you dated, there is a part of him that misses being with you.
Whether it is because the fantasy he created in his mind regarding his freedom is just that, a fantasy, and he misses being in a relationship some of the time, he wanted to find someone else who is a better match and it’s not as easy as he imagined, or his previous girlfriend rejected him again, there is a part of him that misses connection, companionship, and yes, sex.
Remember, this is a MOMENT.
Whatever the reason, don’t forget this guy was not able to string together moment after moment after moment of choosing to be with you. His words and actions probably didn’t match most of the time, and because he is reaching out does not mean he has changed.
Setting a firm boundary with your ex is paramount to not only building your self worth and confidence, but also demonstrates to him in a clear way that you are a a baddass. That YOUR words and actions do match. So, if he engages with you with a “hey,” or an “I miss you,” or even a “I would love to see you,” the odds are that he wil not be able to follow through on any promises or commitments that can follow from engaging in these conversations.
Of course, it will feel good to both of you. However, take this as a warning. This kind of message from your ex simply sends a hit of dopamine through your body that unlocks your body’s chemical reward system. And as a result, your brain will receive a serious chemical rush of happiness.
And while a text from your your ex can happen any time of the year, it is emportant to especially beware during the winter months, when days are cold and rainy. As serotonin levels drop, which can activate loneliness, it may drive your ex to seek comfort in what he already knows – you.
That said, here’s what to respond if your ex reaches out. And remember, be strong, girl. Do not make up a weak-ass excuse to say anything but this:
“I appreciate you reaching out. If you care about me, I really need you to respect my wish for no contact.”
And that’s it. Period. End of sentence.
I repeat. Do not engage. It’s not mean or rude or selfish to not respond.
Otherwise, you will be stuck in a romantic rut that will only prolong your ability to meet a 5-Star Man who is ready to commit, is emotionally available, and of course, sexy as hell.
Want to know more about how to get out of the ‘texting with my ex’ romantic rut, watch our webinar here.