Dating Den Episode 16 – With Marni Battista: When to Tell a Guy You Want Kids and What to Say So He Doesn’t Freak Out
Any interesting men in your life right now, maybe one you want to be a bigger part of your life?
Did you meet a great guy over the holidays…
You hit it off and have been seeing each other for a few weeks…
You really like him but you don’t want things to go too far without knowing if he’s open to having kids, right?
That’s important for you… like really important!
But when is the right time… probably more importantly, when is the wrong time to have that conversation?
Is the first date out of the question…??
What if he doesn’t want to talk about it… or he just kind of brushes it aside?
In today’s coaching session with Dorothy she shares a problem, many of you have been dealing with. She doesn’t want to repeat the same shit from her last relationship.
She really wants to have children. Her Ex made her think she was crazy for wanting kids, which is totally uncalled for. So now, she’s dating some great guys and wants to move forward with the kid talk but she’s afraid that if she does the guys are going to bolt.
Dorothy is smart and successful. She loves her career and she really wants to get married and have kids. Wanting kids is a big part of who she is.
Dorothy’s Picker Was Broken [3:21]
Dorothy’s Ex didn’t like it when she talked about children but it felt natural for her. When she read my MANimal types she realized she had been picking the wrong guys.
Having kids is a deal breaker for Dorothy and yet she has been on 10 dates with a guy she likes and hasn’t even brought up the subject of marriage or children. She should have told him her deal breakers by date #3.
How to determine your non-negotiables:
- Think of qualities in relationships you admire.
- Consider your core values.
- Think of the values you want in a partner.
Dorothy has about 16 wishes for a potential mate but her top 5 deal breakers are the right guy wants a family, is supportive, is active, is a saver and is flexible.
Your deal breakers are 5 fights you are never going to have in your relationship!
Collecting Information About Who You Are Dating [23:55]
Women should know the person they are dating by date #3. If Dorothy collects the data out of curiosity it will remove the fear she has placed around it. She believes if she shares what she truly wants she will be shut down.
After some coaching, Dorothy understands future dates don’t deserve to have the weight of her previous relationships around their necks. And, she knows she should have brought the subject of children up sooner.
Being vulnerable can be scary but it creates an opportunity for emotional intimacy.
The Quality Boyfriend Litmus Test [30:28]
It’s important to get clear on your needs up front because Mr. Quality Casual will string you along forever! Don’t wait to ask the serious questions. One guy does not represent all guys. They don’t all respond in the same way.
Money is a hard topic to discuss but it is really, really important!
Homework and Takeaways from this Coaching Session
- Make a list of how someone could demonstrate they have qualities that match your non-negotiables.
- By date #3 you should know if a guy shares your top 5 values.
- Be the person you want to attract.
- Don’t let past relationships cloud future relationships.