Dating Den Episode 52 – With Jayson Gaddis: The C-word — How Conflict Can Make Him Fall More in Love with You Every Single Day
Ladies this episode is filled with truth bombs! It will help you take action and become a woman who has everything she wants in a relationship.
My guest today, Jayson Gaddis, is insightful, a genius and he is handsome. He is a teacher and a student of all things relationship. And as the host of The Smart Couple Podcast and Founder of the Relationship School, Jayson is on a mission to teach people how to ‘do’ romantic relationships.
Jayson’s first book, For the Smart Couple, comes out this November. You can also find his work in the Good Man Project, the Elephant Journal, YourTango and The Jungle of Life, to name a few.
Mistakes in Relationships that Cause Conflicts [03:56]
The biggest mistake people make is they think they know how to navigate upset or challenges. The truth is conflict can be a door or a doorway. If we see it as a door then it’s an opportunity to get to know each other better and take the relationship deeper.
Many people are afraid to speak their truths. Steps people can take to move past a conflict in a healthy manner is to admit you are afraid to set a boundary or that you are afraid of confrontations. It’s normal and ok to be afraid but if we stay afraid we will end up with the same results.
How to Manage Common Relationship Conflicts [10:17]
If you feel your needs are not being met it’s important to identify your non-negotiable needs. Think of a pyramid to understand the three things we fight about as couples.
At the top of the pyramid is surface, everyday stuff. The middle level is resentments.
The base or foundation is feeling secure.
If one person doesn’t feel safe in the relationship look at what the real need is. If a partner feels the other is there for them then surface conflicts can be easily resolved. If a partner feels insecure about a relationship it may incite additional conflicts.
Dealing with Security Conflicts in a Relationship [27:10]
There is no such thing as a couple that doesn’t experience some type of conflict. Plus, it’s OK and perfectly healthy to have a conflict in a relationship. The important piece to overcoming conflicts is to be proactive and address the issue early. Opening up, being vulnerable and being direct about what the issue is will help you both solve it together.
Ladies, your words, and actions must match. You have to set boundaries if you are having a security conflict. If your actions don’t match it will send a message to your guy that you are not serious and he will think it’s ok to be half in and half out of the relationship.
Get clear about what you want and look at a conflict as a door way to a deeper relationship.