Dating Den Episode 17 – With Katherine Woodward Thomas: The Fastest Way To Get Over A Breakup To Help You Move On
That which doesn’t kill us, only makes us stronger…
Take a negative experience and turn it into a positive…
Take your lemons and make lemonade…
Learning from your mistakes is how you will succeed…
We’ve all heard these cliches before…
And like all cliches, there is some wisdom there.
But what about breakups… are they failures we can learn from?
I mean, they kinda suck, right?
But what if you could emerge from a breakup better, happier and stronger than you were before?
Breakups are hard on your heart.
They can be a crushing experience. There can be arguing, name calling and worse. And if kids are involved, it can be really difficult to make sure they aren’t adversely affected.
My guest, Katherine Woodward Thomas was going through her own divorce when she came up with a very modern way to break up. Her book, Conscious Uncoupling, has been nominated for a Books for a Better Life award and the process was made famous when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin adopted it. She describes the process as a paradigm shift from what is often thought of as an antagonist experience to an experience with generosity or good will.
It’s great to believe in a lifetime of happiness but reality shows that most of us will probably have more than one significant relationship in our lives. Meeting that one special person is an outdated concept.
Breakups Are Crossroads [8:57]
During a breakup, we get rejection sensitive, our hearts get defensive and we can even bring hostility into our next relationship. We may punish ourselves by self-loathing or lingering in anger for a long period of time. There is a lot of bad stuff that can happen if we don’t navigate a breakup properly. What is the difference between a broken heart and a broken leg? We would never think that time would heal a broken leg so we do we think it will heal a broken heart? Our goal should be to make our hearts stronger after a breakup!
Why We Go from Soul Mate to Soul Hate [11:39]
Humans are born to bond and form communities, so breakups are against nature. Nature will do anything to keep us together including releasing a chemical in the brain that creates a deep longing for the person who rejected us. It’s designed to inspire us to run after the person. The chemicals in the brain of a person going through a breakup are similar to a person who is grieving from a death. Nature would prefer a negative bond rather than no bond, it is an evolutionary leftover.
Why Consciously Uncouple? [15:23]
The step by step process helps to keep us in charge of our emotions. The goal behind Conscious Uncoupling is the desire to cause a minimal amount of suffering for ourselves, for each other and to our children. It sets up structures where people can win moving forward.
If there are children involved our exes can be in our lives for the long haul. It makes this process a necessity not a luxury way to break up.
The Steps of Conscious Uncoupling [18:51]
We all know that really big emotions come up after a breakup. So, what is to be done? How do we deal with all the feelings we are feeling? Katherine says, before taking action, rational or irrational, follow these steps:
- Find Emotional Freedom.
- Reclaim Your Power and Your Life.
- Break the Pattern, Heal Your Heart.
- Become a Love Alchemist.
- Create Your Happy Even After Life.
Katherine’s program includes an exercise to clear the air and remove the toxic emotional residue. She has trained coaches who can assist you and your partner during this difficult time.
Make a Connection With Katherine: The Conscious Uncoupling Summit [42:38]
This first time ever LIVE event includes speakers and sessions on how to move through grief in a powerful way, how to consciously uncouple, how to midwife your best life and more on January 27 & January 28, 2017. You can experience the entire virtual summit from the comfort of home.