Life Check Yourself Episode 364 – With Michael Kaye: Top Insider Secrets from OkCupid Exec on How to Work the System and Win
Marni welcomes the head of Global Communications at OkCupid, Michael Kaye to the Life Check Yourself Studio. OkCupid is one of the world’s largest dating apps. Previously, Michael served as a Product Communications Manager at LinkedIn and as a Sr. Global Communications Manager with OkCupid. He is an industry award winner who has been featured on ABC NEWS, Business Insider, Bustle, Cosmo, NYT, and more. He shares insider tips and best practices to help you find someone special.
- Takeaways from this episode:
- Insider tips for making the algorithm find the right match
- How much time to spend dating online
- Who should message first
- How to get offline and into each other’s arms
- Big dating profile turn-offs
How Michael Became a Connection Guru [2:21]
In college, Michael didn’t know how to find other men in his area. He found the safest and most discreet way was through dating apps. The great news is that he is still dating the person he met online eight and a half years later. One day, he received a DM from someone at OkCupid to see if he was interested in interviewing for a position. He accepted and the rest is history. He says he loves working for a company that helps people find love all over the globe.
Dating apps work because people aren’t attending gatherings like they used to.
Marni says the pandemic helped make online dating mainstream and shifted people’s perception about trying to find someone online. Michael adds that the pandemic trends were that people wanted a stronger emotional connection before a physical connection. Another trend was that women started to take control of their dating lives. They were sending more first messages than ever before and it paid off for them.
Women Should Send the First Message [10:18]
Michael’s advice is to really take some time into drafting the first message to someone with a profile you find intriguing. He shares the data on how to make your first message the best. He says if you don’t have a positive outlook, then you shouldn’t reach out. Take some time for yourself because what you put into online dating is what you get out of it. If you don’t put the time in, you won’t get quality matches, you won’t find that special someone.
Dating is a part-time job.
Insider Secret Tips:
There is a way to trick the system but you have to spend the time doing it.
Go online for a few minutes every day or every other day. If not, you may be missing connections.
Change something about your profile every few weeks.
Login every Sunday as it is the busiest day of the week.
Learn to work the algorithm and educate it about who you are interested in.
Data shows that more than 9 in 10 people on OK Cupid have average or higher than average self-confidence. It’s important to be confident in who you are when dating. If not those insecurities will filter into any relationship. It creates an unhealthy relationship if you don’t.
How to Move Things Offline [19:58]
Michael says that it is easy to get frustrated with online dating because so many first messages are just Hey or What’s Up. He says to move the conversation from the app to an in-person meeting, is to not be shy and say something like … this app is killing my battery, here is my number, this moves the conversation from the app to a phone call, e-mail, or even face-to-face.
30% of OkCupid daters want to move the conversation off the app asap.
Biggest Red Flags in Online Dating:
53% of daters on OkCupid say that being controversial or saying offensive things is a red flag.
27% of daters say mentioning an ex on first dates is a red flag,
20% of daters don’t like it when the other person gets too drunk on a first date.
The biggest turn-off for people on an online dating app is people who put —swipe left if – on their profile. Micheal advises that instead of focusing on deal breakers, highlight the dealmakers.