Life Check Yourself Episode 356 – Exactly Why Dating Feels Like a Roller Coaster (and How to Get the “F” Off) with Chris Gillis
Marni and Chris Gillis break down the insecurities, easy hookups, and control struggles that were all over this week’s Bachelorette. Marni shares the solid takeaways from the show, especially the importance of remembering that dating is a process, and there is value in the entire process.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Stop romanticizing the perfect man
- Show up strong, not insecure
- Keep your cool when dating around
- Focusing on externals doesn’t fix internal insecurities
The Pitfalls of Romanticizing Someone You’ve Never Met [3:55]
Chris calls fantasizing about someone you’ve never met a delicious pitfall, but it isn’t one that you can risk falling for. It only sets you up for disappointment and a lack of a true fresh start. After Teddi’s date with Andrew, she takes a step back to realize that maybe her romantic fantasies about him sabotage any chance for a relationship before they even meet. Marni thinks that the fact that she ran away means she is emotionally unavailable and has serious avoidant attachment. She didn’t want to deal with Rodney or Andrew, and she basically set herself up to fail.
Marni asks Chris about the issue that Teddi revealed in Clayton’s season. Nate reminds listeners that Teddi — and all of the contestants — are real people with real backstories who have to protect their own mental health. Marni lays out the bottom line — don’t make up romantic fantasies about your date before you’ve met them in real life.
Let them show you who they are, don’t make up a story about who they are.
How to Show Up Strong [11:06]
Jill describes herself as painfully single, but Chris thinks that is a solid turnoff for a few reasons. It presents you in a negative light and makes it sound like no one wants you — even if that’s not really true!
Marni thinks Jill handled Romeo in the best way possible, but she spends way too much time painting herself as insecure. She needs to come off as a confident, strong, independent woman, but Chris wonders why she bounces between quirky and fun and then back to insecure.
Chris asks Marni if she thinks Romeo or Jill is more difficult dating-wise. Romeo has a bad reputation that he’s going to have a hard time overcoming, but Jill doesn’t present the energy that will attract the good guy.
Victoria, on the other hand, isn’t aggressive but is definitely open to possibilities, which is much more attractive. She keeps things light and fun, which is attracting all of the men straight to her.
Rule guys in until they rule themselves out.
Guys Aren’t Always Looking for Easy Women [18:05]
Tarzan Jacob is going to have his pick of three women, and he’s made it clear that it’s not going to be the women that are the most willing to sleep with him. Even he doesn’t pick Kira. Chris says no one wants to date the girl that is so easy that she’s obviously willing to hook up with anyone that looks at her twice.
Even if you are still trying to figure out your sexuality, sleeping around is not the way to get what you want most. Over and over again the guys on the show are most attractive to the women who don’t sacrifice their self-respect for anyone else.
Chris and Marni talk about who keeps their cool best when contestants start dating around, and what it means about your own insecurities. Remember, you may feel like you don’t have control when the guy you like goes on a date with someone else, but you always have plenty of choices until you decide to go exclusive.