One of the most common problems in the dating world is that women aren’t attracting the men they want. Often this stems from having a skewed perception of what you think you deserve and ultimately choosing the wrong men, but sometimes the problem comes from within.
The key, however, to landing a man whom you perceive as “out of your league” — or even just better than the crybabies, commitment-phobes or players you seem to attract — boils down to getting in touch with and becoming comfortable with who you are from the inside out. Because this process is much easier said than done, here are three Dating with Dignity tips to successfully pursue and attract that elusive perfect man.
1. Think about the Big Picture
Before you set your sights on pursuing a particular man whom you’ve perceived as out of reach, think about whether or not this guy really is of the highest caliber. We tend to classify guys based on looks, but I’m sure you’ve realized by now that a lot of devastatingly good-looking guys can be real jerks.
Evaluate the man in question beyond his physical appearance by taking into account how passionate he is about his career and his overall outlook on life. Notice how he interacts with and treats others, as well as what he’s doing in his day-to-day life. You may find after doing so that dating him is not so lofty a goal as you thought (Because, well, heck! You are awesome yourself!) or that perhaps he may be sizzling hot but have lukewarm mate potential.
2. Identify Your Insecurities
Often we feel we aren’t getting the guys we want (or deserve) because they didn’t give us enough of a chance to show how fun and exciting and interesting we are. The challenge, though, is that men we date see us as we are, not how we could be. If you’re nervous, shy, negative or worrisome, he may notice that more than your fabulous shiny hair or jaw-dropping success in the business world.
In order to attract that amazingly confident guy, there may be some insecurities or fears you need to work through before you’re comfortable enough to reveal your feminine, authentic self. This is a very gradual process, so be patient but thoughtful. This introspection will have lasting effects on your love life and beyond.
3. Live Up to Your Potential
A lot of these deep-seated insecurities also serve as the root problem holding you back from other personal developments. It could be that your fear of appearing awkward has prohibited you from trying a new hobby. Or perhaps your overall low self-esteem has kept you from putting effort into your wardrobe or changing up your hairstyle.
Once you’ve worked through identifying these fears and weaknesses, your newfound confidence will not only make you more comfortable around men but will lead you to make improvements in all arenas in your life. You’ll find that becoming more thoughtful about yourself both inside and out will change your demeanor and make you more appealing to men you’d previously thought were out of reach.