Are you wondering if saying ‘no’ to sex on the first few dates will kill your chances with a man you absolutely would love to explore being in a relationship with? The first thing you must remember is that what you want is the priority, and most important piece of the equation.
That said, having clarity can help you identify what you want and how to communicate it in a way that does not kill the vibe.
3 Steps To Delay Sex When Dating
Without Killing The Vibe
1. Get Clarity on What You Want First
Do you want an exclusive, monogamous relationship or are you casually dating? You must identify what kind of relationship you are looking for so that you can have clear expectations of him and yourself. Regardless of whether or not he wants to pursue something with you, remember that there is nothing wrong with wanting to date casually. The only ‘test’ you must pass is how you feel about yourself if he doesn’t call you again. If you beat yourself up or blame him, then somewhere in the process expectations were not met. However, if your goal is to have a committed, exclusive relationship, and you know that you don’t want to sleep with someone unless you have agreed to be exclusive, having clarity about your needs and expectations will translate into sexy confidence when you let him know your needs.
2. Identify your Expectations Around Sex, Exclusivity and Relationships
Whether we are conscious of it or not, we all have expectations. Often, though, those expectations are not articulated and are not the same between men and women. For example, many women who want to have a committed, monogamous relationship, have the expectation that if they sleep with someone, the person is interested in pursuing something serious. That he will call them the next day. And ask them out again. However, be assured that men may not be aware of that expectation. Therefore, it is extremely important that you state this before you get naked. Having the conversation about sex and your expectations of what it will mean to you should be had standing upright and fully clothed. The truth is that the right guy will respect your needs and agree to meet your needs, especially when he knows that sex is something you will be interested in having when the timing is right.
3. Be Playful and Light-Hearted in your Communication
You do not want to kill the vibe by being aggressive or guarded. Remember, you don’t need to be defensive about saying no to sex because your needs and expectations are not on trial. Instead, let him know that you are wildly attracted to him. Reiterate how difficult it is to say ‘no for now,’ because he’s so damn sexy, and frame it in a playful way that makes it clear that the reason you are saying no is because you value the potential of the relationship as well as your own values and standards. Telling him that the fastest way to intimacy for you is in taking things slow and steady. And then, kiss him passionately! Leaving him wanting more makes you feel good about you, demonstrates your self worth, and can inspire him to continue pursuing you for the long term.
In short, if he won’t pursue a relationship with you because you set a boundary regarding having sex, he’s not your person. You want the person you are dating or even interested in to respect your decision and the boundaries you set. And how he responds to your communication of that boundary is an important part of deciding if you want to see him again, let alone sleep with him.