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The Real Reasons Men Disappear

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We’ve all been there. A guy you’ve gone out with a few times, who seems totally into you, suddenly disappears completely. You’re probably wondering why that guy seems to have fallen off Planet Earth. You start with justifications like: “Well, he did say next week was going to be super busy…” and “He’s probably working really hard” or “Didn’t he say he was going out of town this weekend?” Most of the time in these situations, we’re given absolutely no reason for this Casper act… So, for your mental clarity, here are a few common reasons this might be happening: 

1. Work is just too important right now – Let’s face it: Sometimes a guy is going to choose his work (and his financial security) over love. This probably has nothing do with you. A guy who wants at some point in his life to become a “boyfriend material” man is going to focus on his goals, ambitions, and career. Unfortunately for you, if you’ve met him at this point in his life, you might be out of luck in the man-being-present department.

2. He’s dating a few other girls in his search for “the one” – When you meet a guy on a dating site, in a bar, at a coffeeshop, or on a run, you never know where they are exactly in their dating life. He could be pursuing more than one girl (more than likely) while he is pursuing you. The fact of the matter is, he may just have chosen one of the other girls. It could also be that he’s in pursuit of an elusive girl or one who keeps turning him down. Regardless of how awesome you are (And you are!), even if you’ve said yes to him and she’s said no, he might decide he wants to go after the girl who said no…even if it’s just to see where it goes.

3. He’s just into the chase – Some men are simply at a point in their lives (generally around ages 25 – 30, but it could be a man of any age), where they’re only interested in the pursuit of a woman. They have no desire to actually get into a relationship. And to this man who disappears on you, good riddance!

4. He put you in the friend zone – Maybe you’ve gone out a few times with an old friend or were introduced to a friend of a friend. (Both great ways to meet guys, by the way!) However, it could be that even though you think you’re a great match, he thinks you’re the perfect best friend material. So he stops calling you to ask you out on dates and starts asking you to come over and watch football with the guys. This guy might be best left in the friend zone himself, but perhaps sometime in the future it will be the right time for both of you to step out of those boundaries.

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5. He perceives that you’re more serious about the future relationship than he is – Maybe you mentioned the word “relationship” a few too many times. Like 20. Or perhaps you talked about something you wanted to do in the future with him…like in six months. He might be at the stage of “just wanting to get to know you,”and scared that you already see you + him as a “we.” Although you probably didn’t intend to come off that seriously about it, it doesn’t matter what your intention was; it matters how he perceives it. It’s very possible that in a month or two, he would see it that way too! But he’s just not there yet.

6. His best friends are still on the prowl –A guy’s friends can seriously influence his relationship readiness. Their lifestyle generally follows the same path; and if one friend isn’t ready to settle down or commit himself to a relationship, it can be hard for a guy to leave his friend to fend for himself. Annoying, but true.

7. You said something that didn’t sit right with him – Are your friends always telling you things like “His loss!” or “He must have been weird!” or “It definitely wasn’t you; it was him!” Yes, those are possible. Chances are, if you’re still reading this, you’re probably a catch. Incidentally, it may have been YOU. I know this is hard to believe, but it’s possible you said something that just didn’t sit right with him. It might be that he wants to raise a family in a smaller city, and when he asked where you were from, you told him you were “Born and raised in NYC: city girl for life!” To him, this could mean your ideas of your future and family life are not aligned and you’ve just gotten yourself crossed off his list.

Trust me, we know that you probably meant that in an “until I’m 35” kind of way; but how would he know that? For the most part, if a guy disappears on you and isn’t mature enough to have a discussion about what happened, he doesn’t deserve the time you spend thinking about what happened. A man who’s interested in building a relationship with you is going to be appearing in your life and sticking around instead of disappearing, unlike that friendly ghost we’re all too familiar with. Keep on trucking. He will show up.

About the Author

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MARNI BATTISTA

Marni Battista is a certified professional dating and relationship expert specializing in helping high achieving women find love.
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