Life Check Yourself Episode 387 What The Good Guys Need You To Know with Chris Gillis
Marni and Chris take a deep dive into the interpersonal relationships that define the reality series, Love is Blind, to unveil what is sometimes said (or unsaid) through your partner’s actions. A person will tell you exactly who they are or what they want by how they behave with you. As the series nears its end, and the couples are the pivotal point of whether they’ll make it or break it, the duo ponder what we can learn from our reality series’ cohorts. They look at the nifty tips that we can take into our own dating lives by studying the lows and the highs, the ups and downs, and all the drama that unfolds between the couples. Part of navigating the dating world is being able to read the person in front of you and to pick up on what they’re telling you either through their actions (or lack thereof).
Takeaways from this episode:
- He’s a good communicator
- Don’t dive in head first
- The first cut is the deepest
- How to be secure in your attachment style
- Is he consistent in how he shows up?
- Don’t be an option
I Met The Most Amazing Guy Syndrome [05:15]
We’ve all fallen into this trap at some point or other. We meet a guy; we’re taken with him; he seems to be everything we’d ever dreamed of; we’re all in emotionally before ever being all in, in reality. We’ve decided this person is our knight in shining armor, our prince charming. And that’s when we begin to write off everyone else, and miss out on opportunities in exchange for the idea of the person that we’ve built in our heads. We envision our whole future with them, and as a result, we end up closing ourselves to other potentially better-suited partners.
There’s only one way you can fall when you push a guy up to this magical, mythical prince charming [pedestal]. No way is he living up to that fairy-tale.
Putting someone on a pedestal and expecting them to live up to it is unfair for both you and the person. It ends with disappointment, because it’s an ideal and not the reality of the situation. It’s these unrealistic expectations of who this person could be rather than who they are.
When comparing the couples on Love Island, Marni points out that Shaq and Tanya get together from the get-go, and a whole lot of drama ensues. Whereas Ron and Lana take their time to actually get to know each other. Granted, Ron was more vocal about still wanting to date other people while Lana wasn’t too thrilled about it. Ultimately though, they chose each other, not by looking through that rose-tinted lens of who a person could be but rather the knowledge of who the person actually is.
Know When to Leave [08:20]
Cassie and Claudia are an example of not knowing when to leave. Claudia keeps getting her feelings hurt by Cassie in that he’s wishy-washy when it comes to choosing her. And she still ends up taking him back.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that Cassie is the bad guy; it just means that he’s shown her who he is, what he wants, and how he operates. Chris points out that Claudia lacks confidence and that it’s in these particular situations that her insecurities seem to surface, which is understandable. It’s a situation we’re all prone to be in.
When a partner isn’t giving you what you want, leave. If he’s treating you like an option, rather than telling him you won’t be treated as such, show him that you won’t.
At the end of the day, no one should be a second option.
Don’t Get Involved in the Drama, Period [17:29]
It’s tempting to want to come to your partner’s rescue, especially when it’s a friend that’s hurt them. But should you actually get involved when it’s something that’s been told to you in confidence?
When you’re dating someone, you want to see how they show up consistently over time, and when you start to introduce someone you’re dating to your friends, then you can start to see how they interact with your friends, and your family.
Marni and Chris discuss the example of Will and his partner, Jessie. Will tells her in confidence that one of his friends has hurt him. What she then does is confront the friend. That tactic backfires when Will calls her out for not keeping what he told her between them.
Sometimes, the person you’re with just wants to vent; they just need a shoulder to cry on; or someone to listen to them. Your partner confiding in you about drama between his friends or family isn’t necessarily an opening for you to take action and come to their defense. Because sometimes it ends up doing more damage than good. Case in point: Will and Jessie.
Chris clarifies that perhaps there are certain things that should remain unsaid especially considering the context where everyone is in a close space, and maybe a few drinks are involved. What ends up happening is that in the heat of the moment, your partner may react in a certain way that aggravates the situation.
At the end of the day, Jessie had a natural reaction but she probably shouldn’t have acted on it. Just stay out of your man’s drama.