Life Check Yourself Episode 388 Are You Holding Yourself Back by Not Believing in Your Dreams? with Crystal Ware
Marni welcomes Crystal Ware, podcast host and former fortune 500 corporate leader who left it all behind to pursue her dreams, at the Life Check Yourself studio. The pair looks at what it means to actually pursue your goals, and the barriers that stop us from being that version of ourselves. Crystal delves into the process that puts us on the path of achieving our vision, whatever it may be. A step towards getting there is asking the hard questions, learning to let go of that fear, and getting clear on where it is that we want to be. They discuss the journey with its ups and downs, and how the failures and rejections actually shape the destination. It’s not about having that golden streak, or getting it right from the first go, but rather about shifting our self-belief and putting in the work.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Courage comes before commitment
- Keep showing up
- It starts with one decision
- How to deal with the illusion of time
- Work on your self-belief
- How to recognize your value
Ask The Big Questions [01:45]
Crystal, who had a shining career in corporate, speaks from experience when she narrates her journey towards pursuing her dream. In today’s world, we’re distracted by everything that sparkles and shines; we’ve all ended up chasing the comfortable set-up thinking that’s what we’re meant to be doing. And it works for some but not everyone. When you feel stunted, stuck, and it almost feels like you were meant for more, or for something else; it’s time to ask the hard questions.
For Crystal, the seed was born during the pandemic. While she was happy with her life in general, there were aspects of her professional life that stopped being fulfilling – a situation that a lot of us can relate to where confinement forced us inwards, and pushed us to introspect on our lives.
And that’s what it was, a chance to look inwards. But where and how do you start? It’s by taking the time to ask the big questions, looking into what you actually want and what you want your life to look like. What are the things you need to be investing in more, be it in terms of energy or time, to get to that dream?
It’s easy to forget how profoundly that time [the pandemic] impacted all of us.
Sit and reflect on what you want out of life; figure out what is the legacy you want to leave behind. It’s not necessarily going to be an easy shift but it is worth it. It requires work. And once you’ve taken a step back and looked at how you can progress towards that goal you eventually want to reach, then you can take actionable steps. It’s not about right now, it’s not even about tomorrow, it’s about where you want to be in 10 years.
So, break away from the stereotypes that you’ve had of yourself in order to become the person you want to be and are destined to be.
It wasn’t just about saying, ‘okay I know I want to go somewhere different but [looking at] where that was headed. And that helped a lot in defining my vision for my life, my goals and how I was actually going to go about achieving them.
The Three C’s [ 11:15]
Get clarity, get confident and find the courage. You get clarity by being clear on what it actually is that you want to do. You build the confidence to take action. And then you find the courage to do it. It’s a process; it’s not magic.
Where is the internal shift to say that I don’t need to keep recreating from the patterns of that lack of belief in myself? That is the thing to say, that’s the defining moment.
What stands in the way of clarity is fear. It’s a fear we’ve either had built in from our childhood, our past experience or our view of ourselves. It’s being able to break free from the shackles of our past patterns that’ll eventually lead us to take the first step towards that goal. Being unable to vocalize or envision that dream sometimes stems from a fear of saying out loud.
Crystal talks about the iceberg impact, and she uses the example of social media where we only see the surface of what’s going on, not what went into getting to that stage. There’s hard work behind success, there’s belief in one’s self, there’s also sleepless nights figuring out what you want, moments of doubts where you’re not sure you’ve made the right decision. But all these moments, good and bad, are part of the journey.
The journey is as important, if not more, than the actual getting there.
90% of people make it look easy because they’ve worked hard at it, but it’s a process. At the end of the day, letting go of that fear, getting clear on what you want, and vocalizing is part of the journey. Whether or not it sounds possible to someone else doesn’t matter. If that’s what you want, then own it, put in the work and go for it. And say it out loud.
Find Your Cheerleader [18:21]
A support system is important regardless of who it is. Sometimes, you’ll find it within your inner circle, and sometimes you won’t. But that being said, even those closest to you, be it your partner, your sibling, or your family, are not setting out to hold you back. They care for you, and perhaps don’t understand what you’re doing, and what may be perceived as negativity on their part is more about looking out for you. It’s about having a fear of getting your feelings hurt; or being devastated by rejection or failure. But failure and rejection are part of the process. It doesn’t mean everyone is going to understand that. So, find the person who does, and keep them close. It matters.
Understand that growth is coming from the things that don’t work, and having to confront that.
You are able to achieve what you want, but it’s a question of having someone to remind you in the moments where you forget. It could be a friend or a coach, but that support system is one of the things that’ll help you get to where you need to be.
It’s grounding for me to know that I can truly be who I am, in all forms and shapes, and there’s not going to be judgment there.