Life Check Yourself Episode 409 The Secret to Understanding Why Men Need Sex (It’s Not What You Think) with Aaron Johnson
Marni welcomes Aaron Johnson to the Life Check Yourself studio where they discuss the importance of feeling your feels. The duo delves into the ways in which to hold that space for someone who might not have been socialized into expressing themselves in a healthy manner. Aaron is the co-founder of Holistic Resistance and Grief to Action where he works to help facilitate the healing process for men, particularly within BIPOC communities. How does one heal trauma and process it in a healthy way? And where do we start?
Takeaways from this episode:
- Why crying is a necessary release
- What is tender platonic touching?
- How to feel your feels
Platonic Touching [08:40]
In the exceedingly masculine culture that is America, many men suffer from what Aaron has termed being “chronically under-touched.” What that means is that they did not have enough tender platonic touching growing up. And this manifests in a certain way in one’s adult life.
Tenderness for men, with men, lands in our body initially as violence. It feels like violence, and violence feels like normal. We have to heal that trauma.
Let Him Build Creativity [13:15]
When men aren’t coming from a chronically under-touched state, they are able to be more present within a relationship. But how does one nurture that side of themselves? One of the ways is through creativity.
Now, that does not mean that as women, we need to do this for our partners but rather it means we need to be supportive of them while allowing them to do it on their own. This is a part of their growth.
It’s so important to practice being a good witness but not going in and rescuing right away.
Let Him Build Creativity [13:15]
When men aren’t coming from a chronically under-touched state, they are able to be more present within a relationship. But how does one nurture that side of themselves? One of the ways is through creativity.
Now, that does not mean that as women, we need to do this for our partners but rather it means we need to be supportive of them while allowing them to do it on their own. This is a part of their growth.
It’s so important to practice being a good witness but not going in and rescuing right away.
Release and Repair [19:20]
Releasing and repairing are cornerstones of healing. Somatic experiences aid in the release necessary for healing trauma. Music is a somatic discharge experience. While it has historically been used as a means for healing, particularly within POC communities, music has recently become part of mainstream mental health toolkit.
And for good reason, it is a method that is inspiring and profound.
We don’t have a life design in America to actually take somatic healing in its full depth; we’re taking sip of it but we don’t actually have a life design.
