Dating Den Episode 275 – How Much Internet Stalking Should You Do Before You Go on a Date with Someone New? With Chris Gillis
Marni and Chris reconvene to talk about the real-life dating lessons from the first new episode of Bachelor in Paradise 2021. Has Bachelorette Michelle been to a dating coach and does she know exactly how to find her perfect partner, probably not, but that is what makes this analysis useful and fun.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Why you shouldn’t internet stalk before a date
- When it is time to save energy and focus on someone new
- Issues stemming from having perfect parents
- Respect boundaries and stop looking through his phone
The Fine Line Between Being Yourself & Being Prepared for a Date [2:13]
On Bachelor in Paradise, contestant Ryan is confronted by Bachelorette Michelle about some notes he has in his room. He had a folder that included information about Michelle and how to get attention during the season. Chris says it is normal for a guy to dig around the internet to find out more about someone he likes.
Michelle confronted Ryan and he took a defensive stance instead of owning up to what his intentions were. Michelle said goodbye to him then and there.
Marni says, if your ego gets exposed, fall on your sword because being defensive puts everyone on edge, and being honest about what happened will leave you with your peace of mind.
Marni encourages women NOT to search the internet about a guy before she meets them in person. She recommends taking the opportunity to create a connection with the other person first.
If you want to prepare for a date, instead of doing copious amounts of internet sleuthing, ground yourself and think about what you are curious to know about the guy.
Save Your Time to Spend on the Good Guys [15:21]
Michelle puts so much of her time and energy into a guy she knew wasn’t going to be her guy, she doesn’t have time to spend time with the other 28 guys who are interested in her. The lesson from this is that in real-life dating, we shouldn’t waste energy on things we don’t want or know won’t work out anyway. Think of the time wasted trying to figure out why someone ghosted you or the unrealistic expectations of waiting for a call from someone you don’t really like anyway.
Focus on what we want to bring into our lives, not what we don’t want.
If you are dating it is important to remember the good guys are out there. Don’t waste your time on the wrong ones.
Respecting Boundaries versus Looking for Red Flags [23:12]
Going through someone’s phone can be hard to resist especially if you just slept over for the first time, but Marni says don’t do it. If you want to know something about someone you should ask them directly. Looking through a bathroom cabinet or a bedside table and then making a snap judgment doesn’t give the other person the dignity of telling you about something themselves.
We find it hard to resist because our brains want to protect us from getting hurt. We may be thinking if we go through someone else stuff we will discover something that is a red flag but it is not a good vibe and certainly not a good way to start a relationship.
If you are dating a guy who has been a perfect gentleman and there are no issues, stay out of his private zone.
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