Dating Den Episode 179 – With Kelley Bonner: How Burnout Can Keep You Stuck in Bad Dating Habits
Marni welcomes an experienced therapist and gender equality victim’s rights advocate Kelley Anne Bonner into the Den to talk about how burnout affects your body, dating, and work. Kelley is an expert in burnout and created Burn Bright, a company dedicated to helping creative, big-hearted ‘helping’ professionals battle burnout. She helps the people who take care of the world to take care of themselves.
Key takeaways from this episode:
The signs of being burnt out
- Being true to your authentic self
- How to avoid burnout in dating
- What happens after burnout
- How to have compassion for your big-hearted self
ABC’s of Burnout Prevention [2:55]
Kelley hit bottom when she was in her 20s and working in the largest maximum-security prison in New York state. She kept smiling for the people she served but would find in herself figuratively in a puddle on the floor, drained of her joy. She quit her job before she had another lined up.
Kelley says many people have burnout but don’t even realize they have it.
Burnout is a state of emotional and physical exhaustion. The person experiencing burnout has no joy and feels hopeless.
The cost of frantically running around is that you lose yourself and once you’ve lost yourself it’s a countdown to imploding.
When you are in burnout your body and your nervous system are in dysregulation. Mindfulness and meditation can help. The first step to move passed burnout is to regulate your nervous system. The second step is to shift your mindset. Get your body in a relaxed state so your body can receive information.
When your mindset is tapped into your authentic self, you are going to automatically get all the things in life that you want.
Have Dating Burnout? [21:49]
Are you pushing yourself to be engaging with toxic people or people who don’t match the criteria you want? When people get burnout in dating they are not being true to themselves. There is a difference in discernment and being picky.
Kelley encourages us to be clear about what we want, in dating and date people who are authentic. Because when we date a guy a second time who wasn’t a good fit on the first date it can cause burnout. The joy/authenticity piece is missing.
When you are true to yourself joy naturally comes from it. The minute you stray away from authenticity you are heading toward burnout.
How-to Stave Off Burnout While Dating [26:16]
There is nothing beneficial about beating yourself up, especially when a date or series of dates doesn’t work out. It causes you to stay paralyzed at best or go backward. Have compassion for yourself because of course, you want to give someone a second chance, of course, you want to find love, you are a big-hearted person.
Tips for eliminating dating burnout:
- Be in your best mental state and highest vibration when dating.
- Make sure you have boundaries. Don’t hang with people who drain your energy and dim your light.
- Be clear and honest about where you are and if you are ready to date.
We are all good people just trying to figure it all out.
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