Life Check Yourself Episode 352 – Do You Have That One Issue That Will Continue to Haunt Your Dating Life Forever? With Chris Gillis
Marni and Chris discuss the fired-up season finale of the Bachelorette 2022. Marni is a bit perturbed about how it seems women on the show can do no wrong and making the guys look like villains is acceptable. Rachel tears into Tino after learning of an indiscretion and then breaks up with him. Then, Gabby turns the other cheek and gives Erich a fighting chance even after learning about his offenses.
- Tips for breaking up when it is the right thing to do
- How to question someone with empathy
- Owning up to an indiscretion
- Compassion and Forgiveness
The Rachel-Tino Breakup [2:39]
The projection of Rachel as the queen and making Tino appear to be the villain undermines all the good communication and healthy relationship advice Marni has ever taught. Rachel didn’t handle the breakup with dignity. Tino was trying so hard to express himself but he just couldn’t get there. Rachel was emotionally unavailable and Tino felt insecure. So Tino goes out and kisses someone else.
It is not OK that Tino kissed someone else.
Rachel couldn’t identify the problem to work with Tino to solve it. She was triggered and couldn’t communicate.
People on Twitter are beating up Tino about having a journal. Marni says Tino acknowledged what he did, validated Rachel, and then apologized for his actions. When she doesn’t accept his apology she breaks up with him and then instantly regrets her actions. It was unnecessarily painful.
Break Up Tips [24:59]
Sometimes people need to break up. All relationships are not meant to be. Chris reminds everyone the contestants are real people with real feelings. Most people, especially online, have disregarded Tino’s feelings. Did Tino just want to win and crush it? As one user observed, did he realize he wouldn’t become the Bachelor?
Rachel had a unique opportunity to be empathic and asked Tino what was going on. She could have questioned his motives for kissing the other girl, but she didn’t. Chris says Rachel took it personally and was angry. Neither Rachel nor Tino could regulate themselves or manage their emotions.
If you are going in a circle with your partner and can’t seem to resolve your issues, maybe it is time to do work independent of each other.
Gabby and Erich [40:28]
The producers of the show needed a hero so badly that they ignored all of Erich’s misgivings. Luckily Erich and Gabby seem like they like each other. Gabby appreciated Erich’s honesty and told him so. Rachel should have had a similar conversation with Tino.
Gabby accepts that Erich isn’t perfect but is still willing to have a relationship.
Compassion and forgiveness are the keys to love.