Dating Den Episode 113 – With Cindy: Am I Being Too Picky or is He Really Not the Right Guy for Me?
Marni welcomes Cindy into the Den to discuss her dating experiences. Cindy is looking for guidance on how she can break her pattern of leaving and figure out how to know if she is making decisions based on her childhood experiences or if she just hasn’t met the right guy. Marni offers her solid strategies to make holistic decisions using her intellect, her emotions, and her intuition. Every woman who is currently dating will benefit from this honest, authentic conversation.
I Crave Security But I Find it Boring [1:37]
Cindy admits that she is the ‘Leaver’ in most of her relationships. She says she would rather be alone than with the wrong guy. She’s been married a couple of times. She is likely to date or marry a man she knows would stick around. But for her, that alone isn’t enough to carry the relationship so she leaves.
Cindy shares with Marni when she was eight, her Dad left the family and took her brother with him. The two men she trusted most in her life were gone in an instant. When Cindy plays the role of the ‘Leaver’ it gives her a sense of control over the relationship her response is based on the lack of control she had when the men in her family left.
Consider what patterns you playing out in your relationships and consider every date as a learning experience.
Cindy Decides on Her 5 Deal-breakers [8:12]
Marni asks Cindy to create her list of five non-negotiables, or deal-breakers. Also known as the list of Five Fights You Will Never Have. This list of five core values will allow your relationship to get back on track if or when there is an interruption in compatibility (aka when stuff gets real).
Cindy’s 5 Non-Negotiables:
1. Her partner must have a strong sense of self.
2. He must be emotionally available.
3. He must be financially stable.
4. He must share similar spiritual views.
5. He is someone who is open to learning and growing.
Marni asks Cindy to look at her current relationship from a logical and then an emotional viewpoint. When she views the relationship logically her current guy meets many of her needs but one of her non-negotiables is triggered by his stance on spiritual beliefs. Marni points out that emotionally, Cindy’s younger self may be making her relationship decisions.
Consider your decisions from your authentic adult self, not from your inner victim!
Use Logic, Emotions, and Your Intuition to Make Decisions [21:08]
Like Cindy, you may have a tendency to make your decisions using your intellect alone. But it’s important to consider your decisions from the emotional adult aspect of yourself without going into the reactionary victim space. Only then can you ask your intuition or highest spiritual self to send you a message about your decision. Connect to your highest authentic self by closing your eyes, putting your hand on your heart and ask for guidance about your decision.
The bottom line is that your authentic self knows what is right for you. Only after you have built a strong foundation of resourcefulness from within will you be able to date based on your core values and find someone who surpasses your deal-breakers.
You are 100% worthy of love and appreciation!
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