Dating Den Episode 18 – With Marni Battista: How to Be Selective While Dating Without Being So Picky You Die Alone with 10,000 Cats
Do you sometimes think, Maybe I’m too picky…
Do your friends say, “I just don’t get it…”
“You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’ve got it all together and you have a great life…
If this is you, don’t sweat it. It’s truly the most common theme among smart, successful, single women.
That’s because most women think… if everyone keeps telling me how awesome I am, then it has to be the guy’s fault!
First of all… seriously?!
The truth is, you wouldn’t be here, if there wasn’t something wrong.
Are you one of those women who just want to get down to business on a date?
To figure out if the guy is worthy of you so you can start falling in love?
Are you looking for a strong man who wants a strong woman but can’t understand why you scare so many guys off?
If so, you will identify with today’s caller, Irene. Irene is a super smart, super successful woman from a tough Italian family. Irene is looking for a relationship with her equal, she wants her soul mate and a best friend. But as you’ll hear in the call, Irene is afraid she’ll be chronically single because she’s not feminine enough.
Irene wants a relationship with a foundation of facts and truth. She doesn’t want someone who will just disappear like her father, her brother and her grandfather.
Becoming Comfortable in Your Feminine [6:17]
Women want to be authentic but are afraid to bring out our feminine aspects in front of powerful guys. Growing up Irene was shown that to be feminine means women should speak and act properly. Women should be girly and are no more than arm candy. She has worked hard in her life to prove she is more than that.
But being feminine is not always girly, girl. Femininity is an open energy that is soft around the edges. Irene may be showing up in her masculine energy is because her high-performance operating system is results based.
Boxing Gloves [14:05]
Irene recognized her father wasn’t there for her when she needed comfort as a little girl. She was hurt emotionally and she feels a need to protect herself. Irene is emotionally wearing boxing gloves in preparation of needed to protect herself. They may not be raised in a defensive stance but they are there if she needs them.
A quality guy wants someone who can lean into her feminine and sometimes be his opposite.
Creating Emotional Safety [17:20]
Irene feels if she puts her boxing gloves down it will leave her unprotected, open to risk and emotions. Irene has had her story for so long it’s hard for her to get past. She understands she needs to build up her emotional resiliency but she fears the pain of being left alone.
It is Irene’s emotional child who shows up on dates. She needs to accept whatever happens as ok and practice showing up on dates as an emotional adult. When she is in a non-triggering environment she needs to practice feeling pain instead of being defensive about it.
Irene’s Key Lessons [30:47]
- Caring for and healing the emotional child inside of her.
- Practice being more vulnerable with men.
- She doesn’t need to have her protective side up all the time.
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“There’s a difference in being assertive and being aggressive while on a date.”
“Emotional adults have a mindfulness and an understanding that pain is a part of life.”
“Practice feeling emotions in non-triggering situations.”