Dating Den Episode 14 – With Marni Battista: Why Am I A Badass in Every Part of My Life Except for Dating?
Are you one of those women…
You know, you’re a badass in every other part of your life but…
When it comes to attracting men, flirting and dating…
You feel like you lose your mojo? (Yes, women have mojo!)
Then this is definitely for you!
Do you feel helpless and frustrated because the men you date disappear and it makes you doubt yourself… even though normally you would never give it a second thought?
Do you, for some unknown reason, lack the confidence to attract the men you really want… or they feel like they’re out of your league?
Relax. You are definitely NOT the only one!
Many women have incredible jobs, are adventurous, take risks and are confident in most areas of their lives. So, with all that confidence and prowess why do they find it so hard to communicate with a guy on a date?
Today’s coaching session is with Julie. Julie is a smart, well-traveled woman who lives in Europe. She was previously married for 4 years to an alcoholic, who passed away two days after their divorce was final. Julie is stuck and during our call, realizes she is afraid of being vulnerable and she shuts down when she really likes someone. I coach Julie through changing her story and learning to lean into her authenticity.
Battling the Fear of Rejection [5:30]
Julie has an aha moment when she realizes she never really fit in when she was younger. She didn’t have a boyfriend and she wasn’t invited to parties. She now fears rejection so she tries to protect herself by thinking too much. She considers each answer she gives on a date and finds it hard to come from an authentic place. When she likes a guy she gets nervous and sometimes clams up completely in an attempt to make him prove that he likes her.
Everything we take in and send out is filtered through our own personal perspectives.
Getting Out of the Phone Booth and Reinforcing Your Barstool [12:17]
A lot of smart women find validation and worthiness through their work. Julie gets a lot of her validation through her adventures, travels and risks.
Julie is like a three-legged bar stool. One well-supported leg of the stool is how she confidently lives her life. The second strong leg of the stool is Julie’s confidence in her work life. The third leg of Julie’s stool is wobbly and that is her fear of rejection.
Get Rejection Proof [25:41]
Rejection proof is not fearing rejection. Julie practicing little ways to be more vulnerable without worrying about what happens.
In order for Julie to get rejection proof in her dating life. She needs to:
- Change her language when she talks about her availability.
- Change her language when she talks about her previous relationship.
- Make sure she is not ‘spotlighting’ or oversharing.
- Be authentic Julie at home, work and on dates.
Just telling someone you are excited to hear from them is sharing a small vulnerability.
Creating a Safety Net [33:11]
Women’s brains are constantly looking for control and safety. On a date, Julie should stay present in the moment, take guys off the pedestal and collect data about her companion.
When she feels like she might be screwing it all up Julie should ask herself “How true is that really?”
The story you make up about yourself impacts what and how you do things.
Julies Key Takeaways are:
- She is afraid to be vulnerable because she might screw things up.
- In the future, she will remember she is a strong confident woman who is open to possibilities.
- She is going to lean into her authenticity.