Dating Den Episode 112 – With Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT: The Healthy Relationship Litmus Test: Are You In One?
Is the guy you’re seeing a keeper… I mean does your relationship have ‘legs’ to go the distance?
Is there anything you can do to make sure it lasts?
How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship…?
If you want to know the 6 keys to making a relationship last…
THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU!!
Marni welcomes the authority on what makes relationships last long-term, Stan Tatkin PsyD, MFT. He shares practical relationship advice based on our natural, biological tendencies as human beings. He tells us why we are wired for relationships in the first place and the biological pitfalls of not having relationships during our lives.
Stan is an Assistant Clinical Professor at UCLA’s David Geffen School of Medicine.
Should Relationships Be Easy? [2:03]
Nature doesn’t have a prefect system for a long-term relationships but we need relationships to survive.
Our need for attachment causes an initial reaction in our brains to feel like a drug, when we meet someone new… but then our own bias can set in causing survival instincts to take over, and that’s where run into problems.
The truth is, relationships can be easier, but not necessarily easy. But there are phases to a relationships when we THINK things should be easier. Our partners blend into our total life experience and their actions can trigger us based on all of our past relationships.
Being Committed Without Actually Committing [8:11]
Everyone is irritating, annoying or disappointing at some time. It may feel at times like our partner is a burden but what Stan says we should consider is that we are burdens too.
But what do we do about it?
Long-term relationships are more about trust, safety, and security than they are about love.
Stan explains the 4 tell-tale signs when someone is not fully committed.
Should I Stay or Should I Go? [17:39]
If you find yourself in a dilemma of should you stay or should you go, Stan says to write down what you think a long-term relationship should be. If your partner is unwilling to meet these principals or is moving in a different direction throw them to the curb.
Get clear on your vision first if you are looking for a long-term relationship.
How to Share Power When Finances are Lopsided [21:39]
If you want a partnership that is fair and equal all resources should be shared. Relationships based on ‘have and have nots’ almost always experience problems.
- Both people need to be mutual stakeholders in the relationship.
- Look ahead to the benefits that leaning all the way in will bring you.
- Know that everything is a risk.
- Know that good enough is perfect.
- Surrender and give your full trust to your partner.
The way a relationship starts is a clue to how it ends.
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