Here’s what I need you to realize about your self-worth. It’s not about others. if you can make this one mindset shift, it will be a game-changer.
It’s time to stop letting other people determine your self worth, especially a man. Especially a man you may have met once, or twice. Or even just seen his picture online.
Let me explain.
It’s really easy to get stuck in the cycle of just asking questions like…
- Why didn’t he ask me out? or …
- Why didn’t he text back Wednesday night? or …
- What does it mean when he…
- How can I get him to ask me out….
What Happens When You Focus On Him?
1. You Develop A 'Get Mentality'
This puts you in what we call on our campus, the “get mentality”. And you hand all of your power, and your self-worth over to the guy or the situation. Not only do you end up feeling insecure, on unsteady ground, and most likely with an emotionally unavailable man that is eventually going to disappear, you’re so caught up on Him that you never focus on the real problem that’s keeping you stuck.
Which is, you don’t have a “Guy Problem”, you have a “Reaction Problem”.
2. It Triggers Negative Beliefs & Feelings
Each time this happens, it triggers thoughts and beliefs and feelings and unconscious protective mechanisms that have developed over years of not feeling like you’re lovable or enough or that something is wrong with you, all old neural pathways that are embedded into your brain. And this happens even if, intellectually, you know that you are an amazing catch.
3. You Get Caught in A Viscous Cycle
What’s worse, since the real problem is happening at the level of the unconscious brain, you keep attracting what is familiar to you, and you get the same results. Not only does this turn off great guys but it actually attracts unavailable men who aren’t looking to commit. And what makes it even more difficult is that it is impossible to think your way out of your thoughts. And, because you are a person who makes sh@%$t happen, trying harder and harder to think your way through and out of the cycle only makes you feel even more powerless. And, it perpetuates the cycle.
The bottom line is, If you adopt this mindset and keep the focus on him and not on you, it undermines your self-worth, you never handle the real problem, and you perpetuate the cycle, attracting what is familiar. You get the same result and are continually caught in a loop of endless frustration and despair.
Do you see how devastating and misleading this process can be?
How to Shift Your Mindset to Date With More Success?
The only way out of this viscous cycle is to begin to put the focus back on you.
Here’s how:
4 Ways To Shift Your Dating Mindset
1. Stop Asking Questions That You'll Never Have The Answers To
On our campus we call these ‘low quality questions’ because you will never get the answer as it’s outside of your control. Instead, focus on questions that you have the ability to answer. High quality questions require self reflection. For example;
- ‘What is the feeling I am trying to avoid by obsessing over this particular guy?”
- or “What is the emotional cost to me if I stay stuck in this perpetual cycle?”
2. Ditch the Drama, Stop Talking About it, and Get an Actual Dating Strategy
First of all, when did just talking about something ever change anything? And while diving into your past is helpful because it gives you awareness, it’s important you identify a strategy to start changing your results. If you don’t change something, nothing changes.
3. Life Check Yourself
When you start to think about why he isn’t into you, texting back or why you aren’t attracted to the guy who is good on paper, remember the question you are really asking yourself is, “What’s wrong with me?” . Be radically honest with yourself and remember that you don’t know anything about him, and more importantly, the relationship you really need to develop is the one with yourself. Write a list of your best qualities. Ask a close friend or trusted source to remind you why you are an amazing catch.
4. Do Something That Makes You Feel Genuinely Happy or At Peace
- Take a walk.
- Hang out with your pet.
In other words, spend time developing the most important relationship you could ever have, the one with yours.
To learn the other shifts you need to make to break this perpetual cycle, watch our free training HERE.
