When you are looking for your forever person, it is important that you learn how to be selective. And, one of the best ways to be selective rather than picky is to be a woman who dates with her dignity intact and can hold her value as a unique, amazing woman worthy of love.
Here are five ways you can demonstrate your value which will inspire the right men to invest in you. In addition, they will act as a filter and rule out the men who choose not to invest in you the way you deserve. (e.g, Fboys, commitment phobes, or guys who are not emotionally available to be in a healthy relationship.) On the flip side, however, when you use these strategies the right guy will be the one who swims up river to have YOU choose him.
- On the first or second date, articulate that you are a confident woman who knows what she is looking for. Be confident in stating what kind of relationship you want, and don’t hesitate to share that you are ready for it now. You can say, for example, “I’m in a place where I’m looking for a long-term committed marriage. I also want a family.” Or, “I’m in a place where I have raised my kids and built financial security. I’m looking for a long-term partner to build a life together in retirement.” Your clarity and confidence in sharing your vision will inspire the man who is ready to invest in a relationship. In fact, it will cause him to wonder,“Am I good enough for her?” What’s more, this approach is a total flip in the typical power dynamic in which he becomes inspired to invest so that YOU choose him!
- Be vulnerable. Vulnerability shared appropriately will inspire a man looking for love to invest in building a relationship with you. When you share your feelings it Inspires a man to lean into his own emotions. And as a result, he allows himself to like you. The way you do that is by showing the softer, open side of you. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean, however, that you overshare out of context. Rather than saying “I’ve never felt anything like this before,” which can be experienced as too much too soon, say instead, “I really like the way this is going.” Or, “I really like spending time with you.” When you lean into the relationship even if you are not sure he feels the same, it will inspire the right guy to open up and invest in getting to know you more and more.
- Keep your own life on track, and also make it clear that you have room for a man in your life. A man will be more likely to invest his valuable time in you when he is clear that you are not a woman who is just waiting around for him to call or ask you out. Make your plans. Let him know you have an active life, without using ‘turn-off’ words like being ‘busy,’ or ‘slammed.’ For example, “I have an active schedule this week, Rob, and I would love to make time to spend together. I’m free on Thursday or Sunday.” Don’t go on hiatus from your life or cancel plans to see him. Maintain your routine and sprinkle in flexibility when necessary to fit him in. All of this will communicate that your time is valuable in a way that will have him making time with you a priority!
- Wait to have sexual intercourse until you have the kind of commitment you are looking for. Let him work for it. Be clear. Tell him that you are excited to experience that kind of intimacy with him if your relationship progresses to exclusivity. It doesn’t mean that you are not intimate at all with him if it feels right for you. It simply means that you communicate your value by letting him know that for you sex is something special. If he is the right man for you, this will inspire him to continue investing in you and he will be happy to be patient until it feels right for you.
- Keep your funnel filled! While it is difficult to date other men when you like someone a lot, it is important that you continue to date other people. While you do not need to share that information with the man who is your ‘front runner,’ he will feel the energy you convey when you are together that comes from you knowing you always have options. The confidence you emit as a result of not putting all your eggs in one basket will most likely create a desire in him to spend time getting to know you more.
When you date in this way, the right man for you will sense your open heart, confidence, clarity and admire your ability to communicate in a feminine way. If you want support in finding your forever partner, and want help as you navigate through the journey, watch our webinar here.
3 Steps To Delay Sex When Dating
Without Killing The Vibe
1. Get Clarity on What You Want First
Do you want an exclusive, monogamous relationship or are you casually dating? You must identify what kind of relationship you are looking for so that you can have clear expectations of him and yourself. Regardless of whether or not he wants to pursue something with you, remember that there is nothing wrong with wanting to date casually. The only ‘test’ you must pass is how you feel about yourself if he doesn’t call you again. If you beat yourself up or blame him, then somewhere in the process expectations were not met. However, if your goal is to have a committed, exclusive relationship, and you know that you don’t want to sleep with someone unless you have agreed to be exclusive, having clarity about your needs and expectations will translate into sexy confidence when you let him know your needs.
2. Identify your Expectations Around Sex, Exclusivity and Relationships
Whether we are conscious of it or not, we all have expectations. Often, though, those expectations are not articulated and are not the same between men and women. For example, many women who want to have a committed, monogamous relationship, have the expectation that if they sleep with someone, the person is interested in pursuing something serious. That he will call them the next day. And ask them out again. However, be assured that men may not be aware of that expectation. Therefore, it is extremely important that you state this before you get naked. Having the conversation about sex and your expectations of what it will mean to you should be had standing upright and fully clothed. The truth is that the right guy will respect your needs and agree to meet your needs, especially when he knows that sex is something you will be interested in having when the timing is right.
3. Be Playful and Light-Hearted in your Communication
You do not want to kill the vibe by being aggressive or guarded. Remember, you don’t need to be defensive about saying no to sex because your needs and expectations are not on trial. Instead, let him know that you are wildly attracted to him. Reiterate how difficult it is to say ‘no for now,’ because he’s so damn sexy, and frame it in a playful way that makes it clear that the reason you are saying no is because you value the potential of the relationship as well as your own values and standards. Telling him that the fastest way to intimacy for you is in taking things slow and steady. And then, kiss him passionately! Leaving him wanting more makes you feel good about you, demonstrates your self worth, and can inspire him to continue pursuing you for the long term.
In short, if he won’t pursue a relationship with you because you set a boundary regarding having sex, he’s not your person. You want the person you are dating or even interested in to respect your decision and the boundaries you set. And how he responds to your communication of that boundary is an important part of deciding if you want to see him again, let alone sleep with him.