Dating With Dignity

Question: Is appropriate for a woman to pursue a man online? How long should I communicate online through email before meeting in person?

Well folks, here’s the dealio:

1. Both men and women can initiate contact online! If you are interested in someone’s profile online, feel free to write them to say hi. Send a short, one paragraph email mentioning something specific you have read about them in their profile. Nobody likes to receive a generic cut/paste email. Take a few minutes to really read their profile. Did they mention a book or class they have taken? Take an extra second to do a google search on that topic, become quickly familiar with the thing they have referenced, and then mention it in your email.

Bottom line? Show that you are doing more than shopping for pictures. Let the person know you are interested in him or her, their interests, and tell him/her why you think you could be a good match. One paragraph is fine! A great email close? Try this: ”I would love to meet you soon, John, to hear more about (insert topic, book title, vacation they mentioned etc). Let me know when you are free!”

If you do not hear back from “John,” do not lament. Instead, know that in some way the Universe was protecting you from wasting time with someone who is “not a match.” Don’t write back. Don’t wink. Let it go, moving on to create space for someone new. If you receive an email and are not interested, take time to write a brief email that looks something like this: “Hi Brad. Thanks so much for taking the time to write to me. While I am flattered by your inquiry, I believe we are not a good match. Best of luck in your search.”

2. Move past email communication quickly. Take a quick pit stop at texting if you must, pause to talk on the phone once or twice, but make sure you are headed towards the face-to-face meeting within one week – 10 days. Don’t invest time and energy in someone you don’t know. Don’t share intimate details about yourself, your life, your hopes or your dreams online. Make sure emails don’t become journal entries. Be positive. Upbeat. Don’t become friends on Facebook.

If a man continues to email you without moving to the next step, let him know you would like to meet, however do NOT ask him on the date. Simply write something like this: ”I’ve enjoyed communicating via email, but would love to be able to chat in person soon. Looking forward to speaking with you.” By using the word, “speaking,” you are letting him know that you are very close to being done with email communication. Then, let it go. If he does not write you to invite you to meet, or request your phone number, move on. Do not write back.

Women need to be patient. Create space for a man to invite you out, or take the online interaction to the next level. Men, please don’t linger in email hell. Instead, cut to the chase, make a plan to talk on the phone. Ask her out on a date via phone. (remember, you aren’t expected to chat with her for hours) And don’t forget, make sure your first date with someone you have met online involves meeting for something quick, such as coffee or a drink. Not a match? Hang in. Be polite. Don’t make promises to “call you soon,” if you won’t. Remember the Dating With Dignity Mantra, “It’s not a match!”

Now that you know how to pursue a man online, do you want to know how to tweak your profile so more of the men you WANT start pursuing YOU online? Check out these 5 Can’t Miss Strategies for Online Dating Success!

Watch today’s dating den to find out how to stop yourself from falling too fast, and scaring your new man off.

By Patty Contenta

Through my research and personal experience, I’ve found 3 mistakes are responsible for women not being approached by men. The scary part is that this could be happening to You without you knowing it.

Mistake #1: Standing With Your Legs Apart

A man likes to feel masculine, like he has mental and physical strength…regardless of his size. The dominance that he tries to portray can be seen by the way he stands with his legs apart and chest lifted. His goal is to take up space to demonstrate power.

So when a woman stands with her legs apart, she’s taking a dominant role. She’s taking the lead and a very masculine man will avoid you because you’re confronting his stature without saying a word.

I too have been in this same scenario where my need to be noticed for the smart, strong woman I am was coming out loud and clear for every man to see… yet no one approached me.

A man is naturally attracted to a playful woman that oozes sensuality… something he is clueless about. He wants to sense an air of invitation so that if he takes a chance to approach you, you won’t reject him on the spot.

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By Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach

Every now and then Ho Ho Ho time rolls around on the calendar and yet life seems to have dumped a pile of coal on the old doorstep. Someone you love is sick, mad at you, a relationship recently fell apart, there’s been a recent disappointment – life has thrown you something that has you feeling hollow, sad, anxious, or just plain BLAH.

We all have our Bah Humbug moments. Even the most cheerful, upbeat, positive people have them. What to do?

First thing? Just acknowledge it. Go ahead, say it out loud. “I’m having a Bah Humbug Moment! I’m supposed to be all festive, happy and cheery and instead I feel more like crawling under a rock and hiding until springtime.” Congrats – you just woke up to what’s real for you. Great. You’re half way through.

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By Carole Lieberman, M.D.

Yes, it’s very tempting to settle for anyone in your bed during the holidays, just so you don’t end the year alone. But, just like a lump of coal can disguise itself as an intriguing gift when it’s hiding inside your stocking, a bad boy or bad girl can disguise themselves as an intriguing new love when they are hiding behind a façade. Indeed, these manipulative lovers know that holiday time is a great time to go on the prowl because we are especially vulnerable. We all want a hot kiss from someone who’s madly in love with us as the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve. So, unconsciously we hear our inner clock ticking as soon as the Halloween candy is gone, telling us it’s time to find that special someone.

As you know, it’s hardest to find love when you are desperately looking for it, so you might become easy prey for bad boys who are prowling for sex and other favors, and bad girls who are looking to trap ‘sitting ducks’. Here are some tips on how to recognize these heartbreakers.

In my book, Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them, I define 12 types of bad boys, such as the Fixer-Upper Lover, Compulsive Flirt, Commitment-Phobe, Self-Absorbed Seducer, Wounded Poet and Prince of Darkness. A bad boy is “both a lost little boy and a man with a dark side…. Because he’s aloof and elusive, you get caught up in the challenge and excitement of the chase – though he’s not always someone you’d really want even if you did capture him…. He’s a frog you hope to turn into a fairy-tale prince with the magic of your kiss.”

Similarly, in Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, I define 12 types of bad girls – the ‘dozen dangerous damsels’. These include the Gold-Digger, Sex Siren, Husband Hunter and Trapper, Husband Stealer, Ball-Buster and Ultimate Damsel in Distress. “Just as little girls are forewarned that they’ll need to kiss a lot of frogs before they find their prince, society forewarns little boys that they’ll need to slay a lot of dragons before they’ll win the heart of their true princess.”

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‘Tis the holiday season! Time to take out that little black dress – or red – or silver, put on that new shade of lipstick and go out on the town, hoping to meet a hot man at a holiday party who hopefully isn’t…gasp… TAKEN!

But as you grab for that gorgeous dress, you see something hanging next to it – something hard and ugly – the skeletons… you know the ones… the ones that have followed your around all these years making sure that whatever splashing impression you make gets sabotaged by the dark past.

You are likely afraid that those skeletons in your closet will turn him off – Well, not necessarily.

We all have a few skeletons lying somewhere in our closets in the form of emotional baggage – an iconic image that represents the weight of all the painful memories we carry on our shoulders everywhere we go. These skeletons come in all shapes and all sizes, from unrealistic expectations to problematic trust issues.

Oftentimes, we use the skeletons in our closet to build a cage around our hearts that will protect us from ever getting hurt again, but we also end up rejecting others from ever truly getting close to us. Is your emotional baggage doing you more harm than good? I guess that depends on what kind of man you are trying to attract into your life.

In my book, Understand Men Now, a woman’s guide to understanding men in relationships, I talk about six different types of men you will come across in the dating world. When it comes to emotions, most men try to avoid them like the plague, but some men may actually try to help you clean out your closet.

Here are six ways that a relationship-ready man might react to the skeletons in your closet:

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