The art of texting in dating and relationships is a skill on which most of us could improve. In the age of constant contact via social media and especially texting, there are some Dating with Dignity guidelines to successfully navigate this world within your relationships.
When it comes to texting and relationships, there’s a fine line between keeping him interested and driving him away. So are you guilty of over-texting your guy? Here are a few ways to find out:
1. If your text is longer than the length of your thumb, it’s TOO LONG.
Texting is a great medium for communication, especially when it comes to things like wishing someone good luck on an interview or confirming a meeting place. It can also be great in a relationship to send a quick note letting your guy know you’re thinking about him (provided you aren’t only going into date number two). But if you’re dating a new guy or in a relationship and your text is so long it has to be divided into three paragraphs, it’s definitely too long.
Also, it’s very easy to misinterpret texts since you aren’t communicating directly. When the nuances of voice, tone and body language are missing, the little gremlin voice inside often assumes the worst and interprets every message based on the filter of your past experiences. If you’re trying to engage in a conversation or express frustration, anger or disappointment, don’t hit Send! Instead, save it for a real, live conversation. It will probably go better; and most importantly, you won’t have to wait for a response (or, even worse, give him ample time to write a message designed to manipulate rather than communicate).
2. Do you text him daily to check in? Or are you expecting him to text every day?
If you are, then you’re definitely guilty of over-texting and unrealistic expectations. Texting him daily to say hi without giving him the chance to think of you is likely to send him packing.
If you’re the one constantly texting him first, even if it’s just say hello or check in, you’re setting the framework for your relationship. And the framework you’re creating is one where he just sits back and let’s you do all the work. If you want to have that type of relationship, then be our guest. However, if you’re looking for a balanced relationship with a quality man who is relationship-ready, make sure he puts in the effort to “court” you.
3. Patience is a virtue; impatience is not.
If you find yourself anxiously waiting for your guy to write you back, obsessively looking at your phone, and missing out on the NOW moments of your real life, if may indicate that you’re making dating your whole life rather than a part of it. If you feel like he’s taking “ too long” (whatever that means to you) and you often send multiple question marks instead of giving your guy some time to reply (Maybe he’s in the shower!), you’re pushing too hard.
Give him some time. And if you’re with friends, at work, or at the gym, it’s not mandatory to respond within 30 seconds. As long as you’re not playing games, being actively engaged in your life ultimately creates a bit of mystery. Even five minutes can go a long way!
Texting is great; just keep yourself in check so instead of driving your man away, you keep him interested.