Dating With Dignity

I seem to always have a few clients who can’t seem to leave a relationship when the man with whom they are in a “Rut” is a “Cry Baby.”  Often referred to as the “sensitive type,” the Cry Baby is so attentive, sweet and connected when he is with you, yet when he is out of sight it feels most definitely that you are “out of mind.”

On Thursday, during the “Identifying the Men In The MANimal Species” workshop on May 6th in Los Angeles, I will reveal how to repel Mr. Cry Baby so that you can begin to magnetize Boyfriend Material. For now, however, let’s begin with a review.

The “D-Factor” (Date-Ability Factor) Assessment identifies the unconscious thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that are “leaking” into your dating experiences. In some cases, these unconscious thoughts and feelings are so powerful you may have stopped dating, can’t get beyond date one, two or three, or keep attracting the same type of MANimal into your life — MANimals who are not relationship-ready!

While uncovering these unconscious beliefs is the critical first step in making change, it is also important to note why you continually attract certain types of MANimals into your life, and what need these MANimals fulfill for YOU, even if consciously, you would never choose to date them.

As I mentioned to the two clients with whom I did D-Factor Assessment Coaching Debriefs last week, the truth is this: this stuff is unconscious. It’s almost like an invisible mask you wear that features a flashing neon sign advertising exactly what you think, believe and feel about yourself, the world around you, men, and dating.

The good news is that The MANimals are also wearing masks! And, just like your mask is flashing thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, their masks are flashing too.

Let’s put on our imaginary special 3-D MANimal glasses for a few minutes now, and SEE exactly what the Cry Baby is thinking? What does he truly believe? What are his fears? His hangups? And how his actions are merely reflections of his deep, unconscious thoughts?

The Typical Cry Baby “D-Factor”

The Cry Baby will most likely have a D-Factor which reveals that his primary default tendencies, which are a conglomeration of the “Thoughts, Feelings and Beliefs” he has when he is under stress, in conflict, or even when he is merely hungry, angry, lonely or tired make look like this:

1. The Cry Baby  lives in a cycle in which he is consistently cars about others and demonstrates his concern, but ultimately acts mostly from self-survival. He often exhibits the wounded-helper persona, which is irresistible to women who vibrate with high levels of caregiving, Level 4 Energy.  If you are a caretaker, you will most likely magnetize Cry Babies.  What’s more, a Cry Baby can be a perfect mis-match for you if you have bouts of self-doubt as his self worth is often based on his ability to help or fix others.  Often, the Cry Baby puts up a facade of wanting to help women overcome their subjective deficiencies.

The Cry Baby is a man who may blame himself for what is not right in his life and often battles feelings of guilt. He may truly love you, but is unable to cope, manage or create win-win relationships.  Instead of communicating his fears or changing his behaviors, he will often blame you, and then feel guilty that he can’t give you what you need.  He often will avoid confrontation, take everything personally, and often will feel as if he is being persecuted for his and other’s mistakes.  He will typically keep his feelings and opinions to himself, except for when he is blaming you.  In addition, the Cry Baby can quickly fall into co-dependent relationships yet always feels like he is “alone,” and that nobody understands his plight.  The Cry Baby will often sabotage relationships, feeling he is truly not deserving or capable of having one.

2. Core thoughts of the Cry Baby can include…

“Life is futile.  Sigh….”

“Why bother, it will only lead to failure.”

“Everyone is after me.  It’s my fault.  I am pitiful”

“I’m not capable; failure follows me everythere  I go.”

“I’m a bad person.  I have done a lot of bad things”

“I should have known and done better.”

“I ‘d rather just block that memory out; That was very embarrassing for me.”

3. In addition to his hopelessness and guilt, the Cry Baby is validated by trying to “fix” you. As a result, he will attract women who thrive on self-doubt (internal conflict).  When he is unable to fix or change you, he may be upset and become frustrated.  Often, a Cry Baby will seek to meet your needs first, before he meets his own.  As a result, he may return to feelings of guilt and pull-away in a desperate attempt to try to gain control over his feelings, his life or his independence.

What is Your D-Factor? Are You At Risk of Attracting a Cry Baby?

Women who have D-Factors results which reveal predominate  victim or conflict energy, resulting in internal conflict such as self-doubt, guilt, jealousy, resentment or feeling that the relationship is not working because they are not “enough” or are ” broken.”  In addition, because their secondary default tendency is to be a care taker, she is drawn towards the desire to fix or change the Cry Baby, and wants to the the “ONE” to pull him out of his guilt and/or victim thinking.  As this magnetic energetic pull is mostly unconscious, women with high levels of victim and care-taking energy may become caught in an endless rut of trying to fix the Cry Baby, yet always feels frustrated and “to blame”  when she is not successful.

How to Repel the Hunter

1. Ensure that your primary source of validation does NOT come from fixing, helping or “changing” another person.  Learn how to self-soothe, and adopt an attitude of “detached involvement,” in which you show empathy and compassion for him, yet do not give up your needs in order to meet his.

2. When he issues “victim-like” statements, do not acknowledge these as the truth.  Instead, learn to acknowledge and validate his feelings, yet give him space to self-soothe.

3. Don’t manipulate him by playing “victim” to get attention.  As a care-taker, he may draw towards you when you exhibit victim thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

4. Don’t accept the view that you need to be “fixed,” or that you are “broken” in any way. See yourself as healthy, whole, confident, and love-able and the Cry Baby will run the other way! Meeting your needs will be impossible for him because he has nothing to fix, and thus will most likely not be attracted to you!

If you are interested to know your “D-Factor” to see which MANimal you are most likely to attract, understand the science behind it, and hear how knowing her “D-Factor” impacted one of my clients, be sure to visit our new D-Factor information page to find out more!

And, if you want to be among the very first to know the D-Factors of all the MANimals and whom they most easily attract, register now for the phenomenal workshop we are holding in Los Angeles on May 6th. Not only will I be revealing the D-Factor of each MANimal species,you will also meet a panel of 7 MANimals who will be answering all your deepest, most critical questions regarding the MANimal mind! Register here now to attend.

The D-Factor of Mr. Elusive is next! Questions? Feel free to email me at marni@datingwithdignity.com