Dating With Dignity

Not sure you can survive another wedding season single? Are you feeling overwhelmed by the number of embossed invitations celebrating another happy couple’s love? Oh good, you have to buy another unflattering satin bridesmaid dress…

Ready to pull out your hair yet? Yeah, us too. If you’re feeling like you might not make it through another season of weddings full of love and toasts, we have a few suggestions for how to keep it fun and keep your sanity.

Here are 10 tips to beat being single and sad during the summer wedding season

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How DO you get a guy to ask you out?
It’s a question a lot of women have: How on earth can I get that guy or those guys to ask me out?

Do you find yourself frequenting places where you feel like you should meet at least one man a day? If you’re going to coffee shops, bookstores and bars but really aren’t meeting any quality men (or at least not getting them to ask you out), you need to get familiar with Eye TT.

So what is Eye TT?

Eye: As Man Panelist and Dating Den co-host Christian Anderson of LetsTalkDating.com might say, a little bit of “eye tennis” never hurt anybody. One of the KEY ways to let a man know you’re interested is to give him a little eye attention.

Men are not going to approach you unless they’ve already anticipated that they’re going to have success in asking you out. In this regard, men are just as afraid of rejection as women are. So go ahead, let him know you’re interested!

T: Touch. This might be the oldest trick in the book, and you probably aren’t thinking about it. Men go nuts about a woman’s femininity. When you express your femininity in the right away, he’s going to be instantly attracted to you. Even just a casual brush of your collarbone or a quick run of your hands through your hair can make a man’s hormones take a leap!

T: The last T is for Talk. This does NOT mean ask him out. It also doesn’t mean you have to launch into a full-on conversation, but a nice comment about something around you that you can both relate to (“It’s so nice that it’s summer! I finally get to start ordering iced coffees…”) is a great way to invite him to connect with you and lead him in the direction of asking you out!

So go ahead: Try making a little eye contact, playing up your feminine side and striking up a casual conversation. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Question: Is appropriate for a woman to pursue a man online? How long should I communicate online through email before meeting in person?

Well folks, here’s the dealio:

1. Both men and women can initiate contact online! If you are interested in someone’s profile online, feel free to write them to say hi. Send a short, one paragraph email mentioning something specific you have read about them in their profile. Nobody likes to receive a generic cut/paste email. Take a few minutes to really read their profile. Did they mention a book or class they have taken? Take an extra second to do a google search on that topic, become quickly familiar with the thing they have referenced, and then mention it in your email.

Bottom line? Show that you are doing more than shopping for pictures. Let the person know you are interested in him or her, their interests, and tell him/her why you think you could be a good match. One paragraph is fine! A great email close? Try this: ”I would love to meet you soon, John, to hear more about (insert topic, book title, vacation they mentioned etc). Let me know when you are free!”

If you do not hear back from “John,” do not lament. Instead, know that in some way the Universe was protecting you from wasting time with someone who is “not a match.” Don’t write back. Don’t wink. Let it go, moving on to create space for someone new. If you receive an email and are not interested, take time to write a brief email that looks something like this: “Hi Brad. Thanks so much for taking the time to write to me. While I am flattered by your inquiry, I believe we are not a good match. Best of luck in your search.”

2. Move past email communication quickly. Take a quick pit stop at texting if you must, pause to talk on the phone once or twice, but make sure you are headed towards the face-to-face meeting within one week – 10 days. Don’t invest time and energy in someone you don’t know. Don’t share intimate details about yourself, your life, your hopes or your dreams online. Make sure emails don’t become journal entries. Be positive. Upbeat. Don’t become friends on Facebook.

If a man continues to email you without moving to the next step, let him know you would like to meet, however do NOT ask him on the date. Simply write something like this: ”I’ve enjoyed communicating via email, but would love to be able to chat in person soon. Looking forward to speaking with you.” By using the word, “speaking,” you are letting him know that you are very close to being done with email communication. Then, let it go. If he does not write you to invite you to meet, or request your phone number, move on. Do not write back.

Women need to be patient. Create space for a man to invite you out, or take the online interaction to the next level. Men, please don’t linger in email hell. Instead, cut to the chase, make a plan to talk on the phone. Ask her out on a date via phone. (remember, you aren’t expected to chat with her for hours) And don’t forget, make sure your first date with someone you have met online involves meeting for something quick, such as coffee or a drink. Not a match? Hang in. Be polite. Don’t make promises to “call you soon,” if you won’t. Remember the Dating With Dignity Mantra, “It’s not a match!”

Now that you know how to pursue a man online, do you want to know how to tweak your profile so more of the men you WANT start pursuing YOU online? Check out these 5 Can’t Miss Strategies for Online Dating Success!

When a woman makes herself extremely available and ALWAYS makes the first move, it leaves a man no room to pursue her.

The truth is, Mr. Boyfriend Material is looking for a woman who is confident and communicates what it is that she wants. What you’re figuratively saying when you always reach out to a man is, “I don’t NEED you to do anything at all,” or “I’m here available to you, if you ever don’t have anything else to do.”

It may, in fact, be that he likes being around you, enjoys your conversation, and even feels chemistry. In fact, when we interview men who sit on the Dating with Dignity Man Panel, each one will whole-heartedly agree that it feels good to be pursued.

However, here’s the important truth they also share when interviewed: If you are constantly reaching out to a man and initiating contact, communication, or flirtation, you leave him no room to pursue you, go through the process of asking you out, and get to know you better at HIS pace.

The result? You will NOT be perceived as someone who is Girlfriend Material to him.

I get it. Maybe you’re feeling lonely. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone to hang out with. But is that really what you want? Do you want someone who makes zero effort? Do you really want the man who doesn’t try to impress you at all? Do you want to be with someone who waits for you to contact him? Most women don’t. In fact, even if you had a female friend who contributed to your relationship in that way, you most likely would question the friendship.

There are two people in a relationship. If one is consistently making all the effort, something is wrong.

Here are some do’s and dont’ s when it comes to making yourself appropriately available to a relationship-ready man:

DO: agree to go out with him if he has asked you out in advance and you’re interested
DON’T: ask him to dinner

DO: recognize when a man’s actions match his words
DON’T: settle for someone who consistently reschedules or cancels your dates, even when he has a great excuse

DO: suggest an alternate time or day if you’re busy on the day for which he has asked you out
DON’T: make up an excuse about why you’re busy in an effort to play “hard to get”

DO: know what you want
DON’T: be afraid to communicate what you want to someone you are dating

DO: know there are relationship-ready men who will ask you out one a real live date (and be excited to do it!)
DON’T: go out with a guy who texts you at 7 pm asking you to hang out; this is NOT a date

DO: be confident in your abilities to be happy and remember that you deserve love
DON’T: accept crumbs—small pieces of attention from a man are not enough

If you give them that space, men could be lining up to ask you out.

Trust me, they’re out there. They’re just waiting for you to allow them to make their move.

“ When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

Here’s the good news: there are several very easy ways (It’s actually more simple than you think!) to tell if a man you’ve recently started dating is into you. While it can be confusing in the early stages of dating to determine if a guy is interested in pursuing a relationship with you, note that if your guy is doing most of the things listed below, he’s most likely interested in moving forward.

Here are seven ways to determine he’s probably into you.

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We’ve all been there. A guy you’ve gone out with a few times, who seems totally into you, suddenly disappears completely.

You’re probably wondering why that guy seems to have fallen off Planet Earth. You start with justifications like: “Well, he did say next week was going to be super busy…” and “He’s probably working really hard” or “Didn’t he say he was going out of town this weekend?”

Most of the time in these situations, we’re given absolutely no reason for this Casper act…

So, for your mental clarity, here are a few common reasons this might be happening:

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My mom used to say that if you give away the milk (e.g., love, laundry, sex and instant access) for “free” (e.g., without whatever commitment you want), the man will be less likely to buy the cow. (The cow in this metaphor was clearly me in my earlier days. Or, if this sounds familiar, YOU.)

Was dear old mom right?

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