Men Are
The Nice Woman
Your Beliefs
In my practice I meet many “Nice Women”—women who stay with men who are “fixer uppers.” Nice Women know they are a total catch (All their male friends tell them so!),yet they continue to date men who are financially and emotionally needy and seem never to give back at the same level. The Nice Woman may vacillate between feelings of guilt, self-pity and anger; but when push comes to shove, the Nice Woman will back down and blame others, thinking, “He should accept me the way I am, or it’s his loss” (or, blame herself). She puts his needs in front of hers and rationalizes why it’s in her best interest to give him a second (or third) chance. She is always looking for the silver lining, trying to remove the clouds. He is better than your ex, your friend’s husband, etc. She is always looking for reasons why it’s better to stay with him than to be alone.
How This Belief Serves You
You get to feel safe AND superior. In fact, you feel you’re worth and lovability are connected to how much you love, care for, nurture, fix and take care of your man. It is in being “needed” that you find safety and control. You know he will never leave you because he realizes he will never find anyone as accepting of him as you, and that makes you feel safe. Your own flaws and issues are camouflaged because he is “worse” than you; so when things go wrong, it’s obviously “his fault.”
The Dating with Dignity Principle You Loose Sight Of
My needs are important. A healthy relationship is interdependent (v.codependent). I am loveable. There is an abundance of quality men.
The Consequences of Holding On to This Belief
You will continue to attract men who you need to fix. You may also continue to attract men who are not “your type” because they’re not strong enough to make you feel safe. You convince yourself that something is better than nothing, so you will never find true intimate love. You will not experience receiving love wholeheartedly because your man may be emotionally unavailable. You will always live with crumbs instead cake. Finally, you may suffer from exhaustion, burn-out and waking up one day to realize that your needs are not being met. You will resent your partner (or men, in general) and turn into the Scared or Tough Woman.
Your Goal
Learn to recognize your needs, set boundaries, and clearly articulate what you need in a powerful but feminine way. Learn how to receive joyfully. Realize your worth is not based on what you give.
What Interferes with Your Goal
Lack of self-worth. Feeling that if you don’t give, give, give, you will not be loved. Taking things personally. Over-functioning and taking responsibility for everything at your own expense. An inability to identify and articulate your needs. Core beliefs that your needs are not important. Poor communication skills.
Next Steps
Take a few minutes to journal on one of the three belief statement below that most resonates with you, noticing how the past is impacting your present dating results.Where did you first learn this belief? How is it keeping you safe? What would it take to leave this belief in the past? Make a decision to leave the past in the past.
1. It is better to give than receive.
2. If I put myself first, he will leave.
3. This is the best I can do, and it’s better than nothing.
So, why don’t quality men see you as The One?
So, why don’t quality men see you as The One?
As the Nice Woman, your thoughts and beliefs that you are somehow less than and alack of self-worth are leaking when you’re around the men you like. You are sending men the wrong message, without even realizing it.The truth is, women that appear to have low self-esteem, is the number one dating turn off for the Nice Woman. And sends the energy that causes you to attract losers and players.
Here at DWD, we have an amazing tool that will help you uncover exactly where and when you are leaking this bad energy, and WHY you’ve been unable to find real and lasting love. The women that watch our workshop “5 Steps My Clients Use To Finally Have A Man Who Makes Them Feel Loved, Respected and Valued” discover the exact things they’re doing, saying, and thinking that repel men they want to attract. As well as WHAT you have to do to turn it around and get a sexy, successful, and available man to adore you, fall in love with you, become obsessed with you, and see you as the woman he wants to grow old with. Think about it: you’re attractive, successful, and intelligent. You should be in an amazing relationship right now!
Take Action Now and Leave the Nice Woman Behind!
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