Dating Den Episode 158 – With Chris Gillis: You Are Not Immune From Making These Top 10 Dating Mistakes
In this episode, Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down the two-day finale to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios you can use in your life to make finding a real, high-quality guy easier.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Understanding your non-negotiables and being in integrity with yourself
- Identifying patterns in your failed relationships
- The importance of being open, honest, and vulnerable
- The purpose of slowing down and being curious about your partner
- Choosing a partner solely to get validation
- Knowing when to compromise and when it’s martyrdom
Meeting the Family [1:43]
During the show when meeting Barbara, Hannah Anne walks in and wants to fit in and be liked. But Madison’s actions were more cryptic. She was 3-hours late and seemed a bit harsh. There was a superficial exchange and poor communication between Barbara and Madison.
Marni asks when you are considering a long-term relationship where do you draw the line between what the family thinks and how you want to live your life? Should it be a Megan and Harry type thing when you pull out completely or some form of compromise?
Chris believes this subject should be talked about and understood by both partners before it is time to meet the family. Marni says when family is a core value it means you want to spend time with the family as a couple, share holidays, etc.
We get so caught up in being enamored with each other when dating sometimes we fail to ask the important questions like what faith or family looks like for the other person.
Breaking Up Isn’t Hard to Do [8:04]
In the desert, Madison breaks up with Peter. She says she loves him but they live different lives. She says love is necessary but not sufficient.
Chris thinks Peter wasn’t honest with himself and was trying to live up to someone else’s ideals. It’s attractive when someone can be open and vulnerable but Peter was setting himself up for failure.
Marni notes that Peter has a belief that love conquers all and if you love someone you can get through anything. But, Madison was not willing to compromise anything and Peter would have had to compromise himself completely. She thinks Peter’s family has a different way of expressing his faith that is a bit rigid.
When deciding on a long-term partner you might want to be flexible about your non-negotiables.
After Madison breaks up with Peter he decides he doesn’t want to lose Hannah Anne. But is it really about love?
Marni points out that Peter knows Hanna Anne is a great person but he may not be over his ex. She shares how a situation like this may have been handled better and the different options Peter could have used to be more open, honest, and vulnerable. Peter is falling into the trap of loving anyone who loves him to get validated.
Being Attracted to Drama Syndrome [33:56]
For Peter, the feeling of love is a feeling of being challenged, and that is an unhealthy way to experience love. Both he and Hannah Anne are people pleasers.
If you identify with this pattern, Marni says that should be the number one issue to address to improve your relationships.
Out of the women on the show, Marni thinks that possibly Kelsey and Peter may be a match because of their shared emotional immaturity.