Dating Den Episode 234 – With Irene Fehr: Why You Need to Communicate Your Sexual Needs Up Front
Marni welcomes a sex and intimacy coach into the Den. Irene Fair helps couples make love and sex work in long-term relationships while keeping the passion alive. Irene’s work has been featured in HuffPo, Elite Daily, Bustle, and Scary Mommy.
Key takeaways from this Episode:
- How to want sex again
- Dispel myths about libido
- Why it is important to communicate your sexual needs early
- Why having sex too soon can hurt a sex life later
Losing Libido Isn’t Funny [2:24]
It’s important to remember sex at the beginning of a relationship is special and unique. It should not be a benchmark for the sexual expectations of a long-term relationship.
When some women become asexual as their libido drops we rarely look at what has happened in a relationship or what is different than in the beginning when the partners first experienced each other.
Irene reminds us, there are various ways to have a sexual connection between partners. Sex doesn’t have to mean only traditional intercourse. When we think of sex as only one thing we pigeonhole ourselves because it robs us of the richness of connection and intimacy.
We all need to let loose and surrender to the moment.
Communicating Sexual Needs [8:40]
Contrary to popular belief, Irene recommends communicating sexual needs at the beginning of a relationship. She says do not wait until problems show up to discuss them with your partner. Because it is common for men to initiate or to lead the sexual aspect of a relationship. Therefore, he leads from his perspective or what works for him without fully understanding what works best for us.
It can lead women to try to keep up with or reject their partner which can create a negative dynamic.
Having our emotional needs met is the key to a woman’s sexual desire engine. Men function differently.
Tips for a Successful Sex Life [15:54]
While it is important to communicate your sexual needs early in a relationship, Irene warns against having sex too soon while dating. She points out that once you are being manipulated by all those crazy hormones you will be bonded to a person before you know if they are right for you.
Hormones released during sex can keep you from recognizing potential red flags in a relationship.
Staying sober (free from hormones) during the beginning of a relationship allows us to ask important questions about what the future may look like with a person.