Dating Den Episode 3 – With Marni Battista: Why You Always Attract the Wrong Guy and How to Stop
Have you met a great guy recently, went out a few times, maybe even had sex with him… and then he disappeared?
Or have you dated a guy who came on so strong and talked about your future together so much that you finally bought into the idea…
… and then he got ‘super busy with work’, stopped taking you out and started treating you like a booty call?
Do you always seem to fall for the wrong guy?
Do online chats start out showing promise, but then the next morning you wake up to a ‘special’ pic he sent you?
Do you wonder if all men want is to get in your pants?
This is what happened to my guest, Christine. She’s a smart, self-sufficient woman who can’t seem to find a guy she can trust. Recently, she met someone online, she sent him a picture of her new kitten and how does he respond? By sending her a video of himself in the shower!
But I’m Doing All the Right Things — Christine Shares Her Dating Life [1:35]
Christine is about to turn 46. She thinks she has it all together, except for relationships. In an effort to find a man with similar interests, she joined a Triathlon Club in Southern California. She dated a few of the men she met and even dated one guy for 3 years. Her intuition told her to stay away, yet she ignored it — even though she knew he had a history of cheating.
Of course, the relationship ended up in a brutal breakup.
Marni — Use the Dating with Dignity Magic Wand to Help Me Find A Guy I Can Trust! [6:17]
Christine asks Marni to tell her how to find a quality guy and she wants a no holds barred level of relationship coaching.
Based on D-Factor Assessment results, 95% of women find themselves stuck in their dating problem because they have an unconscious need to be right about their own limiting beliefs.
At a young age, Christine’s father told her men are animals and animals are not meant to be monogamous — making it clear he was never committed. Her parents divorced when Christine was 5 years old.
What message could Christine possibly have gotten about emotional safety and love?
Emotional safety is a big issue which is hard to think your way out of. Christine has some unhealed childhood wounds that cause her to put up walls to protect herself. When there was no one to take care of her, she decided she needed to take care of herself.
There is an emotional safety Christine needs to have control over, and the minute she is interested in someone she puts her walls up. So, she keeps attracting guys who make her self-fulfilling prophecy ‘true’.
The Right Road is the Road to Your Vision [23:54]
I asked Christine, “If you found the right guy, are you willing to let your guard down and be open?”
Christine has a ‘gremlin’ which makes her continually take the rougher road. The rougher road is a familiar path so it feels safer. It is a pattern she has had for a long time, which allows her to use her hard-earned self-reliance.
I gave Christine tools so she can collect evidence, enabling her to trust her own judgment.
Tools in the Toolbox
- Collect data to see if men meet your non-negotiables.
- Don’t solve a man’s problem or run to his rescue.
- Listen and trust your intuition.
- Be curious and respond, not react.
Ask yourself — Has this person earned the right for me to take one more step forward?
Dating Hacks & Homework [35:00]
Christine’s homework will be to validate herself by sending a message to the guy who sent the shower video. She should be honest and direct, but not bitchy and tell him how confused she was by his response. It offers the possibility of a corrective experience, but more importantly it allows Christine to break her patterns.
The 3 R’s
1. Recognize Flags
2. Red – What color is the flag?
3. Respond Appropriately
Ask yourself — Does this choice take me to my vision or does it not?