Dating Den Episode 269 – With Logan Ury: Why Feeling the Spark Doesn't Mean He's the One & the One Thing to Look for Instead
Is having great chemistry with a guy a non-negotiable in your search for love?
Are you looking for an undeniable physical connection when you meet a man?
Do you tend to dismiss the guys who are good on paper, but there’s no spark between you?
The truth is you may be shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to finding ‘the one.’
If you want to know why feeling “the spark” doesn’t mean he is or isn’t “the one”, and what to look for instead, don’t miss this episode of the Dating Den!
Marni welcomes behavioral scientist turned dating coach and author Logan Ury into the Den to discuss the top dating tips from her book, How Not to Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. Logan is the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, where she leads a research team that specializes in helping people find love.
Key Takeaways from this Episode:
- A behavioral science approach to dating
- Biggest mistakes people make when dating
- Managing expectations
- Why feeling a spark with someone may not lead to lasting love
- Combating dating burnout
Date Like a Scientist [2:24]
Many women discount dating quality men because a man doesn’t check every single box for them. Logan says people are wrong about who they think they should be with.
The key is to have an open mind while figuring out what kind of person will make you happy.
Logan points out the three types of dating tendencies —
Why You Should Start Dating Now [9:47]
You can spend years doing personal development work to get ready to date but the only way to truly prepare is by dating. Ladies, you can’t just sit in your living room.
We are all works in progress. Marni adds that we never know what our intimacy challenges are unless we put ourselves out there.
Demystifying the Spark [13:45]
The ‘spark’ has become the word that describes feeling butterflies when a person is attracted to another person. Logan warns that many people expect to have a RomCom moment where they will know right away if it is love, but she says it’s not likely that it will happen.
Do you want to know the 3 Myths of the Spark and how to go for the ‘slow burn’ instead…?
Tips for Online Dating [20:27]
As the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, Logan sees the data of dating. She says the pandemic caused a Relationship Renaissance: people want intimacy and connection more than casual hook-ups.
Be empowered! The guy doesn’t have to come to you. Dating should be fun and playful & it’s not about playing hard to get.