Dating Den Episode 169 – With Ed McClune: What Did You Learn from Past Relationship Mistakes that Will Make Your Next One a Success?
Does your love life ever feel like the movie Groundhog Day…
where you keep attracting the same wrong guy with a different face, over and over again?
If you’ve struggled to learn from your past mistakes with men, and want to know how to stop making the same mistakes…
so you can move forward with confidence and attract your ideal man for the intimate, loving relationship you deserve…
Don’t miss this episode!
Marni welcomes Master Coach for the Hoffman Institute and Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor, Ed McClune into the Den. Ed is also the relationship therapist for Dating with Dignity’s one-year program.
During this episode, he shares information about the physical effects of grief, how to learn from past mistakes and keep a relationship healthy.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- The biggest challenges to overcome after a breakup
- Why women need to train their partners
- Why self-compassion is the key to healing
- How to learn from past relationship mistakes
- How to maintain dignity when dating
Dealing with the Pain of a Breakup [3:05]
When something we invest our heart in doesn’t work out it hurts us emotionally and physiologically.
Ed says that it is easy and natural to make up a narrative about sadness. We waste a lot of time in our ‘no one will ever love me again’ story.
But, when we change our internal narrative we can move through the pain and gain a healthy lesson from past relationships.
The Myth of the Good Queen [10:50]
Ed uses the analogy of the Good Queen to describe what doesn’t work in relationships. To be a good partner, we can’t just sit back in our thrones and let things come to us. We need to play an active role and train a man to be what we need him to be.
We come into relationships with different needs and skill levels. None of us are wrong or defective. Men don’t have any relationship education and there is no formula.
Marni asks Ed how a woman can take a leadership role without being masculine, bossy, or over-functioning.
Ed says women should own their dignity, beauty, and soulfulness and help their partners love them. Maturity in a relationship is key.
Dating with Dignity [20:39]
For the sake of maintaining your own dignity, if there is chemistry in a relationship but a guy is unwilling to step up, chemistry is not enough. When you tire of surrendering your dignity to a recurring breakdown you have to say enough is enough.
Both people go in blind when starting to date. Trust and commitment must be built. Partners have different talents and different skill levels. We date people to bring more into our lives.
Every time we fall in love it happens with a ton of variables, and we have to accept that we are going to get some things wrong.
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