Dating Den Episode 56 – With Dr. Meg Haworth: The Mind-Body Connection: How Trauma is Connected to Chronic Illness and… Your Dating Life
One in three women were sexually abused as children.
And, as a result, your relationships (or lack thereof) as well as any chronic illness are directly impacted by childhood traumas.
My guest, Dr. Meg Haworth Ph.D. has survived sexual abuse, drowning and being struck by lightning. She healed over a dozen illnesses including fibromyalgia. As Founder of Lightning Women, she helps women to overcome the wounds of sexual, physical and emotional abuse and chronic illnesses.
During the early days of trying to heal herself, Dr. Meg realized her emotions were stuck in her body and part of her was still in the trauma. She tried meditation, yoga, and retreats and while she made progress she still didn’t have the outcome she wanted. It wasn’t until she engaged in transpersonal psychology (healing by way of the energy system spirit or soul). that she got through and decides to help others get through too.
Why Can’t We Just Get Over Abuse? [7:24]
It’s hard to access the loving part of yourself when you are sick all the time. We find ourselves spinning in the emotional stuff. And even if you have been in therapy, traditional psychology focuses on the mental and emotional but you stay in your story. You stay a slave to the unconscious parts of the story which are secrets held within the emotions.
The experience of being abused as a child is a psychic shock which causes us to become dissociative. We are not associating with our physical reality because we disconnect from it. We are aware that the sexual part of us is a life-giving force. It’s a sacred part of us and when that gets violated in a violent manner by a person in authority or who is supposed to be caring for us it creates a deep trauma.
Moving Towards Healthy, Intimate Relationships [11:14]
Female Sexual abuse victims tend to push a man away in an instinctual way. We are afraid to go deep into love so we go for emotionally unavailable men. We create a keep love out, keep love away system. It creates a very confusing reality.
A female adult sexual abuse survivor often tries to please a man and often they put his desires first.
Dr. Meg says to start by defining what you need for yourself. It is ultimately your relationship with yourself that helps you get the relationship you want with someone else.
Tell men not to treat you with kid gloves. It only reinforces the belief that you are damaged goods.
Dating with Dignity [16:57]
Women are confused about what they want and what is acceptable. A pushy guy can trigger a sexual abuse survivor, and that’s not the kind of guy they want to be with.
To find a healthy man, a man that is truly interested in you, make sexual non-negotiables for yourself. Be thoughtful about how you show up on a date.
Healing Through Whole Person Integration [22:04]
There is a link between chronic illness, childhood abuse, and family dysfunction. If you lived with your abuser as a child you were in a fight, flight or freeze mode all the time. Your body was constantly secreting the hormones adrenaline and cortisol. The build-up in the system becomes very toxic. The immune system becomes weak.
Emotions go through every cell of your body. Holding onto shame or secrets can lead to cancer or autoimmune disorders.
To heal, women need to adopt a new and different belief system, a complete mindset shift and an energy exchange.
Heal yourself with love.