Dating Den Episode 58 – With Amy Ahlers: The Biggest Lie You Are Telling Yourself, “Are You Wired to Keep Yourself Single Forever?”
Do you want to be a badass but can’t get out of your own way?
Do you want a different life but can’t seem to break on through to the other side?
Guest, Amy Ahlers, gives you the tools to be the fantastic, empowered woman you want to be so that you can attract a high quality man now.
Amy is the best-selling author of Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves and Creator of Inner Mean Girl Reform School. A certified life coach, Amy has spent the last 17 years helping women stop being hard on themselves and cultivate the courage to follow their inner wisdom.
Why Do Women Bully Themselves? [4:45]
Women are harder on themselves than anyone else. The meanest girl is the voice inside our own heads, comparing your worst to everyone else’s best. Not only that, she demands perfection and tells you – you are too fat, skinny, tall, etc. Her volume needs to be turned down.
At age 6 to 7, is when inner dialogue begins and when our inner mean girl is born.
You cannot kill off your inner mean girl but you can turn down her volume!
The 13 Inner Mean Girl Archetypes [9:33]
There are 13 Inner Mean Girl archetypes. Not every inner mean girl is mean, some are very, very sneaky.
Is your Inner Mean Girl one of these?
The Comparison Queen
The Achievement Junkie
The Good Girl
The Rejection Queen
Find the 8 other Inner Mean Girl Archetypes in Amy’s book, Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves.
How to Turn Down the Volume of Your Inner Mean Girl [25:36]
The goal of turning down your Inner Mean Girl’s voice is to find and nurture the voice of your inner wisdom.
1. Play the Best Case/Worst Case Scenario Game:
a. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that can happen if I accept a date? How likely is it to happen?” then, “What’s the best thing that can happen?” and “Is it worth the risk?”
2. The Wake-Up Call 3-Step Process:
a. Ask yourself, “What is my inner mean girl saying?”
b. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask your inner wisdom for guidance.
c. Repeat back your inner wisdom’s truth while doing a physical gesture.
Your inner wisdom always tells you the truth.
Men Have Inner Meanies Too [34:36]
Men are hard on themselves too. They are just as nervous to go on a date as you are. The #1 things men are hard on themselves about is financial concerns. They don’t want to be a loser.