Dating Den Episode 50 – With Jane: I’ve Done All The Work On Myself – Fix My Picker Please!
Ladies you are going to get so much out of today’s coaching session because Jane experiences a deep shift during our conversation.
Jane is a smart, successful woman with a big heart who hasn’t been able to bust out of her unhealthy relationship patterns. We are going to help her figure out what is keeping her stuck.
Jane has had a lifetime of unhealthy, even toxic relationships. She is trying to find a space within herself where she can change her energy to attract a healthy relationship.
You Have Self-Esteem, But is it Conditional? [03:01]
Jane has been working on building her self-esteem. She knows she is deserving of love but she still hasn’t shifted because she doesn’t feel worthy.
Jane fears that her long-term patterns will keep attracting the same man. Her father was emotionally unavailable and abusive. Her mom wasn’t available to her because she was always focused on her father. Jane took on the role of the good girl in the family. She felt like a ghost. She couldn’t say no. She still creates this in her adult relationships.
Redefining Love [11:31]
Jane wants to be authentically herself in a relationship. But, she’s attracting guys she thinks will leave her or be emotionally unavailable like her father. Jane realizes she has trouble letting her guard down.
If Jane trusted herself:
- She would be discerning.
- She would recognize the red flags.
- She would have boundaries.
The missing piece is Jane needs to let go of the fear and redefine how she would feel in a loving relationship. To move past her sad story, she needs to act like she has nothing to lose and that she is the victor.
The only way to release the victim energy is to start doing something different, to start showing up as a woman who is open and who trusts herself.
Jane’s Homework [24:45]
I ask Jane to create a Superhero Alter-Ego that aligns with who Jane wants to be in a relationship. For two to three minutes a day, Jane needs to install this new identity and while squeezing her fists repeat a mantra based on what she wants to manifest in her life.
A solid mantra is:
- I am loveable.
- I am enough.
- I am smart.
- I am sexy.
- I have boundaries.
- Great men want to date me.
- It is ok to feel safe because you are safe.