Dating Den Episode 187 – Coaching Jennifer: Is Your Dating Process Ruining Your Chances of Having an Amazing Relationship?
In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni has a one-on-one coaching session with Jennifer. Jennifer has decided that she would rather be alone than continue dating men who don’t fit her mold of Mr. Right for her. Marni helps Jennifer to identify what she can do to shift her paradigm.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Recognizing emotional unavailability
- Breaking down emotional barriers
- Why it’s ok to let your guard down
- The problem with making assumptions
- Changing your dating mindset
Independence or Protection from Pain? [1:42]
Jennifer never thought she would be alone when she turned 50. Everyone she knows asks her how is it that she is still single. She meets possible dates online, she has done all the personal development work yet she can’t seem to find the right guy for her. When she does date someone she gives up after 3-4 dates.
She admits to being independent, knowing her worth, and her resolve to not settle for anyone who doesn’t check all of her boxes. She has recovered from some tough stuff in life and is prepared to go it alone if need be.
Marni bluntly asks Jennifer what she is protecting herself from. Jennifer opens up a bit and reveals she doesn’t want to get hurt again and she feels that if she cuts off the contact first she feels in control of the situation. Marni reminds her that she is protective of her emotional safety. She puts up a giant shield to protect herself.
Is your mask of independence really an unhealed wound?
Becoming Emotionally Available [15:55]
Jennifer realizes she put up a barrier to protect herself and moves quickly away when she is triggered by things she thinks will hurt her. She is attracting men who prove her right and she instinctively rules guys out when she could be collecting more data.
Marni says she will attract a whole different set of men when she is energetically, consciously, emotionally, and unconsciously more open.
The fact that she is dating guys who are dating other women shows that they are emotionally unavailable just like she is. She is consistently attracting the same thing over and over again.
Until she is 100% emotionally available she won’t attract the kind of guy she is looking for.
Jennifer’s takeaways are:
- She will collect data with a different mindset. No more preconceived notions or self-fulfilling prophecies?
- She will be conscious of her thoughts. No more saying she would rather be alone.
- She will give her emotional hurts some love and attention.
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