Dating Den Episode 193 – With Chris Gillis: Is it Love or Lust, PLUS, How to Tell if He's a STRONG Alpha man or Just an Asshole?
The Bachelorette is back! Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis are back to break down this week’s jaw-dropping episode. They comment on the drama, the expectations, and the missed opportunities for connection and transform it into dating guidance.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Is love at first sight possible?
- Do we know when we are leaking?
- Overcoming differences in values
- The importance of staying curious
Clare & Yosef Battle it Out [3:58]
The latest Bachelorette, Clare Crawley, asked the guys to take off their clothes on national television. She makes it known she wants a man to pursue her and court her properly.
When contestant, Yosef voices his valid concerns to Clare he is confronted with a strong reaction. He says “Maybe, this isn’t a match”. Clare wants to be pursued and she doesn’t feel that the guys are into her because they don’t meet her expectations.
Chris makes the point that when a woman calls out a man for not being assertive enough the subtext is that she needs to be constantly reminded of her value. If her value is based on what a guy thinks no man can make her feel worthy. He says she says ‘I’m strong’ but appears needy. It’s exhausting to watch and no guy wants to sign up for that.
Marni points out that Clare was leaking fear, doubt, and insecurity and she reminds us to consider, when are our standards and expectations just ways to make guys wrong or not good enough.
So, is Yosef a strong guy or is he vengeful? It is hard to know if he is a jerk or in it for the right reasons.
Clare Has Feelings for Dale [23:13]
Dale is super handsome but could Clare have known he was her future partner from just seeing him one time? Marni believes Clare built up pseudo-intimacy and a narrative in her mind about who Dale is. Clare can’t possibly know if she and Dale share the same values after just one look.
Dale talks a lot about the Bro Code but his actions don’t match.
A report from The Gottman Institute shows 69% of issues in a relationship are perpetual. Clare doesn’t seem to be curious about any of the guys, even Dale. She is full-steam ahead, hurrying her way through the process.
The Rescue Me Syndrome [41:30]
Chris describes a past relationship where his ex-girlfriend was looking for Prince Charming. It was a no-win situation. The girl puts her happiness in the hands of the guy and the guy can never live up to saving her because she needs to save herself. Clare has these tendencies.
When you do not resolve your core issues, they play over and over again in your relationships.