Dating Den Episode 149 – With Chris Gillis: I'm Not Here for the Emotion Shaming - How You Can Walk the Line Between Overly-emotional and Healthy Vulnerability
The Bachelor is back! Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down Episode 5 to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios that you can use in your life to make finding a high-quality guy easier.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- How a lack of emotional maturity cripples your ability to have a healthy relationship
- How healthy vulnerability is different than being overly emotional
- How to handle rejection
- When to express your feelings for a guy
Is Peter Attracted to Red Flags & Emotional Turmoil? [3:30]
In episode five, it’s almost as if Peter is asking the girls to tell their victim story and then rewarding them for the drama. Is he more broken than viewers want to believe? Is he attracted to women he feels he needs to save?
Marni points out that women should have this mindset… even if the guy you are dating is super cute you still don’t know anything about him. Stay curious and think about what qualifying questions you have for him. Don’t make up a story for him.
The Den’s frontrunner and rose recipient, Kelley, may be asking herself if Pilot Pete is good enough for her. She verbalized that she doesn’t think Peter has the same level of emotional maturity as she does. Does she want to end up with someone who wallows in drama?
Chris says Peter is eroding the trust of the ladies by making out with them during every opportunity. Kelley is the first woman to inspire Peter to be a man. She didn’t nag him, she just laid it out.
The Fine Line Between Healthy Vulnerability and the Over-emotional Victim [17:44]
During the show, Kelsey cries all the time. She doesn’t hold back and won’t apologize for it. She believes she is displaying a healthy vulnerability. But, maybe it’s a defense mechanism brought about by Adderall, and wine? She says she feels powerless seeing Pete making out with the other women and her feelings for him are strong.
Chris finds it repulsive. Marni asks, “How do you express vulnerability without being gross and emotionally vomiting your unresolved issues?”
There are ways to say what you feel instead of crying. In order to be attractive to the high-quality guy, you should be able to manage your feelings in a healthy way.
Emotional intelligence is:
- Being able to name your feelings
- Articulating your feelings clearly
- Managing your feelings
When and How to Express Your Feelings for a Guy [30:49]
At the rose giving ceremony, Peter says that he feels his wife is in the room. If the ladies feel strongly for him, how should they respond? Kelsey says she loves Peter after only a few dates, should she have waited?
Chris says if you sit back and watch a guy’s actions you will know when it is safe to say ‘I love you’. Don’t say it out of your own neediness. And, even if there is no ‘exact’ right time it is definitely not after a bottle of wine and a make-out session. A guy’s words and actions will let you know when the time is right.
Make a Connection:
“Research from The Gottman Institute shows the two most important things in a healthy relationship are trust and commitment.”
“Ladies, look at the patterns of your past relationships. Are there recurring themes?
“To be attractive to the high-quality guy you need to be able to manage your feelings in a healthy way.”