Dating Den Episode 82 – With Dr. Rick Hanson: How You Can Create Confidence and Attract Better Men in Just Ten Minutes a Day
There are only 3 thoughts between you and a man.
That’s right. There are only 3 thoughts (you have every day) that are keeping you from the loving, passionate, connected relationship you want.
That’s all you have to change and love will be yours.
And your next question is…
What are they?
More about that in a minute.
Each day we have somewhere between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts.
These are the stories and images that play in our mind like a movie.
And from these ‘movies’ we form our beliefs.
Those beliefs are what predetermine what our life looks like; the people, the relationships etc.
So, the question is, if you don’t like the movie that’s playing…
Can you change theatres?
Glad you asked because in the den today, we have proof that it is possible to change your brain to create results to bring love into your life!
I talk to Psychologist, Dr. Rick Hanson about how to use good things to manifest more good things in simple, daily steps.
Dr. Hanson is the New York Times bestselling author of Hardwiring Happiness and Buddhist Brain. He is the host of the Being Well Podcast and his Being Well Program demonstrates how to use positive neuroplasticity to grow skills and strengths like resilience and self-compassion.
How to Change Your Brain [3:25]
Dr. Rick says that life turns out the way it does based on a combination of 3 factors:
The challenges that wear on you
The vulnerabilities that pierce through
The resources you draw upon to deal with challenges and vulnerabilities.
The greatest opportunity to change our brains is to grow psychological resources like mindfulness, compassion, self-worth, and interpersonal skills for navigating the dating world. We always have influence over our minds.
To develop more happiness inside and feel more confident you need to fundamentally change your brain for the better.
To become a happier, wiser, more resilient person involves changes between your ears!
There is nothing we can do about the past but we can always grow more resources for the future. There may be conditions in our lives that are outside of our control but our brains can help us control the outcomes we have from those experiences.
The Fundamentals of Personal Growth [8:33]
The brain is the regulator of the body. For us to take on a new outlook or to create flow, creativity, possibility, and peace, the brain needs to change. Each neuron is a microprocessor in our brains and we have several hundred trillion microprocessors computing in our favor. The brain is the Enchanted Loom that continually weaves the tapestry of our experience. We are full of possibilities. We can use it to feel more worthy of love, less vulnerable, and entitled to good treatment from other people.
To reprogram your brain follow this 3 step process:
Stay with the experience for a few seconds longer. Don’t let the world distract you. Sink into good experiences.
Feel it in your body – Get a sense of action related to each experience. Internalization is critical!
Pay attention to what is rewarding about the experience.
Look for the good in something, have good feelings about it and take in the good experiences.
A good opportunity to internalize the benefits is during your self-care practice.
The Brain’s Negativity Bias [22:44]
Dr. Rick reflects back on early history to describe why our brains are alert and naturally hold on to negative experiences. Those processes were a helpful tool in the past but in today’s world they may work against us creating ‘learned helplessness’.
The harder your life is, and the less the world is helping you the more important it is to look for opportunities that are under your control and take them in. Internalize them
3 Ways to Deal When You Are Upset [26:34]
When feeling upset Dr. Rick recommends:
Feel your feelings and observe them mindfully
Release what is negative or painful. Let it out!
Grow the good.
Then we can welcome in something good to replace the released feeling.
Let the bad pass you by but hold on to the good until it fills you up!