Dating Den Episode 151 – With Chris: How to Tell if He is Not Ready For a Relationship or Just Flatout a Manchild
In this episode, Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down Episode 7 to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios you can use in your life to make finding a real, high-quality guy easier.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- How to know if a guy is emotionally available
- Asking follow up questions
- How to avoid falling for someone’s potential
- How to express your emotional fear
- Chaos and drama are not intimacy
Is Peter Emotionally Available? [1:09]
In episode seven, Peter is showing signs that he may not be an emotionally available man. He seems to be attracted to drama over conversations. When Kelley tells him she is having fun he seems disappointed that she isn’t more into him. When he walks Victoria F. over to the road, he says ‘I don’t mind a little crazy’.
Chris says just because a guy says something he may not actually mean it. If you are watching the show you know Peter isn’t ready. His actions are not consistent with his words. When the girls turn it back on him, he freaks out. He is being in-congruent. It’s proof that you must collect data over time.
There are men who are addicted to drama and the crazy. BUT, he is not the guy who will offer a consistent, stable, and healthy relationship. If you are attracting those guys you need to stop the drama.
Ladies, don’t fall for potential. You can’t change a guy he has to want to do it on his own.
When Peter doesn’t give Kelley the rose this week, she proves she is rejection proof when she tells him he has some things to figure out and she appreciates him saving her time. She is emotionally grounded and secure. She recognizes that it’s not a match and that it’s not about her.
Chris says Kelley didn’t need to waste her time on him anyway. It’s a blessing to be rejected sometimes.
Ask Follow Up Questions [12:36]
During this episode, we get to see the conversations that take place during the dates. Madison opens up about her faith, family, and what’s important to her. Peter answers with an ‘uh-huh’. He should have used the opportunity to ask a follow-up question.
Marni and Chris agree that Peter is leaving so much information on the table. He could simply ask one question, ‘What do mean by that exactly?’ he could have uncovered so much more. Chris is a tad annoyed with Pete continually keeping conversations at a surface level and him constantly saying ‘I love that’.
When someone shares something personal about themselves ask questions about the details.
How to Express to Your Partner That You Are Scared [17:47]
Victoria F. is unable to articulate her vulnerability without walking away. She had an opportunity to be powerful and she came off as whiny and victimy. She is leaking her emotions all over the place. Kelley, on the other hand, isn’t interested in dramatic games.
When conversations get challenging for you how do you react? Marni says you need to be able to articulate your feelings in a way that isn’t emotionally immature. Don’t walk away. Learn to handle tough conversations in a mature way.
Kelsey reveals that she is asking Peter to keep her secret. Is she playing with Peter as a dumdum dog? Is she manipulative?
Make a Connection:
“It’s ok to be emotionally afraid and to be vulnerable.”
“Don’t interpret drama or chaos for intimacy.”
“Even if a guy looks good on paper a guy can be emotionally unavailable and addicted to chaos.”