Dating Den Episode 138 – With Jordana: How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex & Heal After a Tough Breakup
The Heart of Jordana’s Dilemma [1:16]
Jordana reveals her devastation over her recent break up with an older co-worker. She says she begs him to love her again. She feels betrayed by him walking away. He was supposed to be there for her and her family. She has tried dating but finds it difficult. She wants to move on.
She has three children and she feels like she will never find someone to love her or her children again. And, she says she put so much into her last relationship that she doesn’t want to start over. She’s chasing the dream of a normal family.
Childhood Wounds [4:05]
Marni asks Jordana to describe her relationship with her father. She describes the anger and rage that was brought about by a break in the family unit that up until then was a source of love and comfort for her. Dad had a “friend” at work and it was tearing the family apart.
When we have trauma at a young age it creates a deep neural groove. Until she heals it she will attract men who treat her the same way and she may be doing it to herself. Jordana’s ability to attract an emotionally available person will be hindered by the fact that she’s leaking her issues and out of alignment with who she really is.
When we feel shame or we reject ourselves it is hard for us to allow someone to love us because we don’t believe we are worthy of love.
Healing Homework [15:15]
Jordana has been avoiding her feelings. Marni recommends she grieves for her past losses and childhood trauma before starting her healing process. Then when she is ready she needs to feel into her feelings.
To heal and move forward Jordana should:
- Imagine the 15-year-old in the middle of the fights between her parents and feel the disappointment and anger.
- She needs to find a quiet space, put her hand on her heart and say to herself ‘you are so scared and it’s OK’ to soothe the young girl inside her.
- She needs to acknowledge her feelings.
- She needs to go on a dating fast and disconnect from all dating apps.
- When she feels like she wants to text the ex she will sit with her feelings then soothe herself until the urge passes.
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