Dating Den Episode 152 – With Robin Da Vinci: How to Navigate Income Inequality in Your Relationship
Marni welcomes a lady who excels in giving practical financial advice to her clients. Robin Da Vinci is the author of The Common Sense Guidebook to Mastering Your Money Critical Skills You Should Have Been Taught as a Kid But Never Were. She was born into financial hardship. Her experiences transformed her views on money and for 35 years she has worked as a personal money manager. Her goal is to empower the millions of us who work hard just to get by and then offering proven solutions on how to live a spectacular life on any budget.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- How your money mindset leaks into your dating life
- How the Disney princess syndrome sends you down the wrong path in dating
- How to take control of your spending
- What values in a man are more important than his financial portfolio
How Your Past Influences Your Current Money Values [1:54]
What you were taught about money and spending leaks into every aspect of your life. Robin grew up believing, much like a Disney Princess, that someone was going to come along and rescue her. Her mother consistently promoted the idea that she had to find a man to take care of her.
She says women who are dating in their 40s or 50s, don’t often look at what they have done with their money. She advises them to take the time to reconnect with all of their money interests. Do a reboot of your money to prepare for your 60s. If you want to have a relationship with someone, even a partner in business, you have to come to the table clean, or at least with honesty and say “this is my financial picture and I’m starting over”.
People do not want to get screwed over by someone’s financial condition they didn’t know about. It’s called financial infidelity.
How to Avoid Income Inequality in a Relationship [12:14]
Later in life, many women may find themselves the breadwinner in a relationship. If you make more, you have to go to the level of the person who has less. Move toward a percentage system and put a value on things that add to the relationship that may not be income. Robin says there has to be an equalizer. No one person should have all the power over financials. Financial intimidation is a weapon of mass destruction and may ruin a relationship.
If you have the ‘money power’ you must switch your mindset into ‘we’ type thinking. Break the habit of deferring to one person. Get on track with spending ideas and annual goals. It is up to the payer to step up and bring equality to the relationship. Have common goals and visions for the future.
How to Overcome Your Past Money Programming [28:16]
A critical skill to overcome your past money programming is to figure out how much you need to get through your day. Take each day to the smallest denominator, find out what your number is and start living your life in the moment instead of banking on your paycheck. Wake up every day with the knowledge of what you need for that day.
If your parents didn’t talk to you about money, you need to write down how you handle your money. If you have six daily receipts review them and keep them in one place. Match your receipts up and see what you are spending.
If you are a parent, Robin recommends taking your children grocery shopping to let them see how the household money is spent. Empower your kids to have a money mindset.
Emotional impulse buying is a no-no. If you are happy, don’t spend money. If you are sad don’t spend money. Don’t do anything during an extreme period in your life. Highs and lows are not the time to spend money.
Make a Connection:
“Fair and equitable is fabulous.”
“Wake up every day with the knowledge of how much money you need for each day.”
“When dating, there are values more important than a man’s portfolio.”