Dating Den Episode 54 – With Tamara Green & David Dachinger: How To Make Sure Taking Care Of Other People Isn’t The Reason Why You’re Still Single
We can’t always plan the major changes in our lives. When something happens and we are called upon to become a caregiver for someone else, be it a child, spouse or parent, it is important we continue to take care of ourselves.
I brought on David Dachinger and Tamara Green to share their experience of what Cancer and Lyme disease brought into their lives taught them about love and relationship. They are the Co-Founders of Loving Meditations and their Loving Meditations App is the only app specifically designed to help cancer patients, survivors and caregivers by assisting them with their daily meditative practices.
Don’t Let Caregiving Take Over Your Life [2:56]
It’s important to declare to yourself that you are going to take care of yourself when you are caring for someone else and continue to perform your own self-care rituals.
Tamara’s son was diagnosed with Lyme disease & her husband discovered he had Stage 4 Cancer all at the same time. Tamara had a meditative practice she could continue to help her cope with the added stressors in her life.
David and Tamara’s book, Live Calm with Cancer and Beyond, describes the power of a mindfulness and meditation practice and how easy it is to start one.
Why a Meditation Practice Helps the Caregiver and the Patient [9:18]
David says Tamara was able to show up 1000% for him because she was taking care of herself. Plus, because she was taking care of her needs as well, she was able to to show up with her normal energy level which could support David through the drama and negativity of his illness.
It’s important to adopt a calming practice now so that when you do encounter one of life’s shitstorms you have a resource you can rely on. A practice develops a foundation of mindfulness. This practice doesn’t only apply to illnesses it can also apply to divorce, struggles, etc.
Two Practices You Can Start Today:
- Gratitude walks pair a somatic practice with a cognitive experience to help you make a shift away from negative thinking.
- Isolating an object and describing it fully is an instant calming, presence technique you can do anywhere.
How to Measure the Effectiveness of Your Meditation Practice [25:41]
Meditation has an accumulative effect. If you are using calming tools the people for whom you are caring will pick up on it. If you are at ease they will be at ease.
David says the complete role reversal was no fun for him. The transition from giver role to receiver role was a difficult transition. Getting over feeling guilty was a lesson for him.
Don’t worry, there is no way to meditation or mindfulness wrong.