Dating Den Episode 81 – With Robert Kandell: How to Date and Create Deep Connections with the Good Guys in the Me Too Era
Let me ask you something…
Do you get super frustrated trying to understand men…
What turns them on, what turns them off?
And sometimes it makes you want to scream, “WTF?!” ?
I feel you!
Here’s what you don’t know…
Men, are actually easy to understand once you grasp this one concept:
Men… think like… men.
So in the den today, a man who is multilingual. He speaks both man and woman. Robert Kandell is a veteran who after spending time in Corporate America, went on to build an eight-figure business based on relationship, intimacy & sexuality.
He’s a teacher, coach, and lecturer whose mission has been to help men find themselves and use their internal power to live their best life. He is the host of the Tuff Love Podcast and his book, unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused By Them is soon to be released.
Why Men Hide Their Sensitive Side [2:45]
Robert says it’s a tough time to be a man. People put a lot of expectations on men today. It creates a society of silence where men are taught to play small and to hide their feelings. There is no space for them to discuss their challenges. Men get a lot of confusing information.
Men don’t have the emotional acumen or awareness to know when to bring a mix of their masculine and feminine sides to the conversation.
How a Woman Can Create a Deeper Connection with a Man [6:41]
If a man is willing to explore his feelings, he’s a keeper. A man needs to feel safe before he is willing to share. Women can make a man feel safe by telling him she is ready to explore, expand and grow with him. But, she needs to make sure she doesn’t become a coach to the man.
How Can Women Support Men Through the Me Too Movement? [9:43]
Men have been seeing programs for changes for women since the 1970’s. But on the flip side, the powers that be didn’t create complimentary programs for men to help them deal with intimacy and emotional intelligence. Girls went through and up-leveling and the unintended side effect was that programs for boys became stagnant.
The Me Too movement gave women permission to release all the rage that has been underneath the surface for generations. And, instead of men stepping up to the challenge of meeting a modern woman they decided to stand aside.
Women need to forgive the past trespasses of the patriarchy. Forgiveness can bring re-connection and intimacy!
What Does a Modern, Healthy Relationship Even Look Like? [20:16]
Robert says the way to build a modern, strong couple is:
1. Patience is important! Yelling ‘Man Up’ doesn’t promote growth in a relationship.
2. Reward and approval instead of punishment for evolutionary changes.
3. Use humor and curiosity together.
If you are looking for a man who will give you what you need, set your boundaries. Know going in what you will put up with. Women tend to have scarcity, limit their beliefs and bypass their boundaries when dating. Create a high bar for men. If you set your bar high you tend to attract men at that level when you set bar low, you will attract a lower level man.
Men don’t think like women. Don’t get mad at a man for not acting or reacting like your girlfriends do.