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Sarah Baldwin

Life Check Yourself Episode 377 - How Attachment and Nervous System Regulation Impact Your Ability to Attract Your 5-Star Man with Sarah Baldwin


Life Check Yourself Episode 377 - How Attachment and Nervous System Regulation Impact Your Ability to Attract Your 5-Star Man with Sarah Baldwin


Sarah Baldwin

Life Check Yourself Episode 377 How Attachment and Nervous System Regulation Impact Your Ability to Attract Your 5-Star Man with Sarah Baldwin

Marni welcomes Sarah Baldwin, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach in the Life Check Yourself studio, to inspect the system that controls all of our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Sarah was trained at the Polyvagal Institute, and has worked with different modalities including attachment and nervous system regulation. In this episode, the pair look at the driver, or rather the soldier behind our anxieties; our stress; our fear; our rage; as well as our feelings of joy, creativity, wonder, intimacy and peace. Sarah breaks down the role our nervous system plays in the wide spectrum of human emotion. It is a system that plays a pivotal role in the regulation of our sensations, our thoughts and our relationship with ourselves and the world. 

Takeaways from this episode:

  •  How to change your behavior 
  •  What’s the autonomic nervous system got to do with it?
  •  Shutting down is your body’s way of protecting you
  •  Where does it all begin? 
  •  Your past informs your present behavior
  •  Why doesn’t your nervous system understand you?

It’s not You, it’s Your Autonomic Nervous System [03:00]

The foundation of everything that happens within us is a system that lives inside each one of us. It’s the autonomic nervous system. Whether we feel happy, sad, anxious, stressed or excited, it can all be traced back to the nervous system.  

It’s the system that is responsible for how we feel, the sensations in our body, our behaviors, our thoughts, and the way with which we perceive ourself and the world around us. Everything is decided upon by what’s happening in that system. 

But how does it work? Sarah explains that everybody has a database of information that has been acquired throughout the years. This storage unit has a collection of the good, the bad, the dangerous and the inter-generational experiences in your life. And our autonomic nervous system has a threat detector, that basically sifts through the data to analyze the level of danger in any situation unfolding in the present. It is doing this constantly and consistently. Whether you’re at the supermarket, at the beach, or at a friend’s house, your threat detector is looking at the receptacle of past information to gauge potential threat in any given situation. It’s your threat detector that decides, based on past experiences, whether you are safe, or in danger in the moment. If it decides you’re safe, then that’s what is termed as a state of regulation. 

Understanding your nervous system and how it works, is the first step in your healing journey. 

Your Nervous System is Stuck in the Past [ 06:22]

Where does chronic anxiety come from? Or stress? These states of panic manifest when your nervous system takes a deep dive into your past experiences to assess the current situation. When your threat detector finds the current event to be unsafe, the nervous system goes into protection mode, which results in three states. It is at that moment where we experience rage, panic, racing thoughts, anxiety and so on. 

The reason we become dysregulated when we’re actually in safety is because our system doesn’t know the past is over. 

From past traumas, Sarah adds, our system ends up experiencing a form of chronic anxiety even though we’re actually safe. That’s how you end up dysregulated. This extends to your relationships with the people around you, and how you attach yourself to them. Your nervous system dictates much of your interactions in a relationship. But it’s not enough to just acknowledge this information. After acknowledgment comes action. 

We’ve got this vehicle inside of us, we have to learn about the vehicle, and then we need to get in the driver’s seat. 

When our nervous system tells us we’re unsafe, we become dysregulated. Learning how to address our nervous system is the first step to learning how to self-regulate. 

Nervous systems read each other, so a calm nervous system calms another nervous system down. 

Your Nervous System is Not Out to Get you [18:27]

Our body is constantly trying to protect us. This extends to our nervous system. It’s not trying to cause us harm, it’s not dysfunctional and it’s not confused. 

If you find yourself dysregulated, or if you’ve got relationship dynamics that are problematic for you – which causes you to become dysregulated – your nervous system is basically saying ‘you’re not safe right now’, based on past informational data. 

Your nervous system is always working towards trying to avoid pain and suffering. When it has identified that a particular situation or trigger, as per its collection of past experiences, has caused you harm before, it signals danger. It’s constantly working towards identifying all the possibilities of how a past trauma might occur again and as such overwhelm or hurt you. That’s its job.  

That does not mean that you’re broken, nor does it mean that your system isn’t working right. It actually means the opposite. 

Make a Connection:

Let Marni’s Incredible Dating Odyssey Be Your Guide…

Marni Battista’s memoir/”how to” hybrid candidly chronicles her own journey to self-awareness and manifesting love, lighting the way for other women to do the same. How to Find a Quality Guy replaces the outdated relationship paradigm with realistic advice and invaluable steps for finding and keeping the kind of love we all deserve

Amazon #1 best seller in Kindle Store – Parenting & Relationships and Amazon #2 in Kindle Store – Love & Romance

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