Dating Den Episode 32 – With Samantha Burns: First Date 101 – What To Do So You Don’t F### It Up
Do you play the “What if?” game?
“What if he’s changed?”
“What if he just needs time?”
“What if I said something wrong?”
“What if that thing I said about marriage scared him away?”
“What if we were meant to be together…”
Sometimes we LOVE to play the “What if” game.
You normally play it after a break-up.
But there is no bigger waste of your time and energy.
There isn’t a class on what to do when your heart gets ripped out by a guy in school. And, most of us never got a lesson from mom on how to bounce back after we are left dejected and downhearted when our ‘meant to be’ believes he is meant for someone else.
This is why Samantha Burns, Founder of Love Successfully coaches clients on how to bounce back. Her latest book, aptly named, Breaking Up and Bouncing Back was inspired by her own devastating break up. In the book, Samantha explores why a break up hurts so much and how to best go through the grief process.
Samantha is known as the millennial love expert and is a licensed therapist who has been featured on The Today Show, Inside Edition, Yahoo, HuffPo, and Women’s Health.
Breaking Up Will Make Or Break You [7:31]
Ladies you are not in this alone. Breakups are a common human experience but we don’t talk about them. There are so many of us going through the same thing. We need to process the breakup and then recreate what we need in order to find a good relationship.
It is possible to create the relationship you want.
The Status Quo-ple [8:58]
Many couples find themselves in an uncomfortable situation caused by comfort. They are afraid of change and fear going through the pain of a breakup. They simply stay together because it is easier than breaking up.
Using a process will make breaking up and bouncing back easier!
Why Breakups Are So Painful [14:51]
As humans, we depend on someone else for survival. Our attachment patterns from a young age determine that if someone doesn’t give us love we won’t survive. So, when someone breaks up with you it’s a rejection we process as if we are better off left for dead.
When we fall in love our body produces the same chemicals as an addiction. So you are basically going through withdrawal when you are no longer seeing the guy.
Dating With Intent [24:16]
Samantha recommends first understanding yourself and being crystal clear about what you want in a partner. Then you can be intentional and strategic with your love life. You can start creating the relationship you want.
There is life after a break up.