Dating Den Episode 38 – With Raz Ingrasci: Don’t Have Time to Screw Up Love Again? The Fastest Path to Getting Over Your Sh*t
Are you a high-achieving woman who is hard on yourself and believes that beating yourself up motivates you somehow to make a change? Or, do you organize your own ‘pity party’ when things go wrong, feeling sorry for yourself? Like you are the only one? Do you believe kicking your own ass is an effective way to make change?
Did you know that, actually, every self-help article, book, practice and thought you have may be taking you further away from happiness, joy and love. There is no quick fix!
Ladies, there is so much more to you than what goes on in your head.
My guest, Raz Ingrasci has been an executive, a consultant, and a facilitator within the human potential movement since 1972. Along with being a teacher for the Hoffman Institute, he founded the Hoffman Institutes Foundation in 1998. The Hoffman Process is one of the most highly effective methods for healing, personal transformation and discovering your true nature.
Negative Love Syndrome [3:25]
When we want to feel love and connection and then get rejected we fall into what Raz calls ‘negative love syndrome.’ Negative love syndrome is a recognition that we learned our fundamental lessons about what love is, what it means and how to be loved, from our parents in our early childhood.
Whatever emotions were present in our family of origin up into our 10th or 12th year, we absorb and that is what we call love. We shape our entire emotional selves around it.
You are not destined to fail in love.
Why Don’t Self-Help Models Work? [15:18]
Self-help models are generally based on the assumption that you are aware of the ways you have been automatic and that if you know what a better way of being is and put your will into it, everything will be better. They are based on our willpower and willpower is overrated. It just doesn’t work.
In order to change, we need to go to the depths of compassion where the pain is and re-experience the pain.
The Source of Happiness [23:02]
The source of happiness dwells within each human being as a spiritual dimension of self which is resonating in harmony with life as it truly is. The cultivation of compassion is fundamental and mindfulness is a way for us to notice what we grab on to. It assists us in loosening our grip on negative love syndrome.
The Quadrinity Model [25:29]
The work of the Hoffman Process points out we have four dimensions of self that are occurring simultaneously:
1. The physical body
2. The intellect.
3. The emotions
4. The spiritual self.
Pain and suffering reside in our emotional self. We experienced pain and suffering in our childhood, we buried the negative, painful emotions and then called them love. So, it continues to swirl endlessly in a vicious cycle. Our spiritual selves are our authentic selves, open, free, loving and spontaneous.